Yep, I have 5 whole months down! It's actually going very fast for me! Just wanted to update you all on how things have been going. I continue to take my meds everyday for three weeks then I have one week off treatment. I love my week off! My biggest complaint is just being tired. I'm so fortunate that's my biggest complaint! I have some stomach pain and issues with that but nothing that gets bad enough that I can't work. I'm continuing to work but have definitely cut back. It's a hard thing to do. It's hard to tell people no....especially when you think, Oh it's just one more or I can stay another 45 minutes but it all adds up. It really hit me that as hard as it is to tell people no I had to for my family. I was coming home so tired and just sleeping the rest of the night. I had used all my energy at work and didn't have anything left for my favorite people!
I started meds back up tonight after having this past week off. There's a certain sort of sadness when this day comes. Just a reality I suppose. I don't let myself stay there. It would be easy to do but that's not who I want to be or will ever be.
The boys are great! Luke has been so great about it all. We aren't afraid to talk about it in front of him with other people because we've been able to be open about it at home. He really doesn't seemed to be bothered by it. I do want to thank all of you who are so sensitive to Luke when he's around. Often I notice someone asking me quietly while Luke isn't looking and it's so sweet of you!
So just wanted to send out a short note to update you all! We truly are doing very well!!
Oh, and THANK YOU for the meals!!!! They have been such a blessing!!!
Love,
Jess
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Stable. Word.
Stable. A word we've come to love. We went back to Cleveland yesterday and they told us that the tumor was stable. This was what they expected and hoped for yesterday. Not to sound greedy, but we always want more. Not that we're disappointed but we know that God can remove this all together. Am I frustrated, yes and no. Is it wrong to want more, I don't think so. I wan't complete healing. No more freakin tumor at ALL.
Truly, it was a good day though. We had a great time together, just some quality "us" time. We weren't burdened by the emotions and physical exhaustion that can come with a day like yesterday. We truly trust God. We have given it all to Him. Even though it has been nearly 9 years of dealing with this crap (I mean, lets be real, this bites), over the past few months I think we have finally and truly surrendered it all to Him. I thought we already had, but yesterday realized we really hadn't. The peace that we had yesterday made it all clear to me that we hadn't really turned it over to Him. We thought we had. (Maybe "we" isn't the right word....maybe I should be using "I" ;) )
Over the past few months or so our faith has grown, something is different. I don't think I can necessarily put my finger on exactly what it is......it's just different but a real good different. Maybe Mike was already in this place, but I can say I must not have been or yesterday wouldn't have been so beautiful to me.
My perspective on life is different. When I get to those pearly white gates.....all I want to hear is...."Well done, my good and faithful servant." This is what I desire now. Nothing of this world that I will ever feel or accomplish. Only a blessing from God that will satisfy me now. I'm learning true obedience. Like I said, I thought I understood this before. Well, I was wrong. I wanted to be obedient and I wanted to understand it but I simply didn't. Maybe I have finally hit rock bottom, not in a bad way but in a way where I'm finally realizing ALL I need is Him. Nothing else. Where I really give it all to Him. Complete surrender. Complete obedience. Has this come from years of hearing the Gospel? I don't think so, (not that it hasn't been a huge part of it) I believe that something has changed in my heart. Maybe after years of putting a wall of "to protect myself" I've finally let God alllll the way in.
Do I still expect complete healing, ABSOLUTELY. Will I still love God if I don't get in "my time," ABSOLUTELY. My perspective has changed. Yes, I'm choosing radical obedience.
I was reminded of some scripture that I had totally started letting go of ........"Just be still, let God fight for you." Exodus14:14 "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 How had I started to let go of these........For real. I am going to be still, God has this.
That's all......Much love to you all,
Jess
Truly, it was a good day though. We had a great time together, just some quality "us" time. We weren't burdened by the emotions and physical exhaustion that can come with a day like yesterday. We truly trust God. We have given it all to Him. Even though it has been nearly 9 years of dealing with this crap (I mean, lets be real, this bites), over the past few months I think we have finally and truly surrendered it all to Him. I thought we already had, but yesterday realized we really hadn't. The peace that we had yesterday made it all clear to me that we hadn't really turned it over to Him. We thought we had. (Maybe "we" isn't the right word....maybe I should be using "I" ;) )
Over the past few months or so our faith has grown, something is different. I don't think I can necessarily put my finger on exactly what it is......it's just different but a real good different. Maybe Mike was already in this place, but I can say I must not have been or yesterday wouldn't have been so beautiful to me.
My perspective on life is different. When I get to those pearly white gates.....all I want to hear is...."Well done, my good and faithful servant." This is what I desire now. Nothing of this world that I will ever feel or accomplish. Only a blessing from God that will satisfy me now. I'm learning true obedience. Like I said, I thought I understood this before. Well, I was wrong. I wanted to be obedient and I wanted to understand it but I simply didn't. Maybe I have finally hit rock bottom, not in a bad way but in a way where I'm finally realizing ALL I need is Him. Nothing else. Where I really give it all to Him. Complete surrender. Complete obedience. Has this come from years of hearing the Gospel? I don't think so, (not that it hasn't been a huge part of it) I believe that something has changed in my heart. Maybe after years of putting a wall of "to protect myself" I've finally let God alllll the way in.
Do I still expect complete healing, ABSOLUTELY. Will I still love God if I don't get in "my time," ABSOLUTELY. My perspective has changed. Yes, I'm choosing radical obedience.
I was reminded of some scripture that I had totally started letting go of ........"Just be still, let God fight for you." Exodus14:14 "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 How had I started to let go of these........For real. I am going to be still, God has this.
That's all......Much love to you all,
Jess
Friday, March 18, 2016
One month down
Hey! First off, I feel really good this week! Still get tired but not near as bad as the last few weeks! I'm hoping my week off is always this good! Unfortunately this week is going by way too fast! Ticks me off to think that this Sunday I start over again! And to top it off, my lab work came back good (which is good), this means my body is handling the treatment well and my next round of chemo won't be delayed but......this also means they are going to up my does of chemo......mixed feelings about that. So I suppose it's possible that this next month I could be more tired yet....? ugh...... Hopefully the nausea continues to stay away!
I made a crap ton of phone calls this am figuring out insurance stuff, talking to Cleveland, calling my specialty pharmacy to make sure my meds were on the way....... feels like such a waste of time and so annoying. But... I did find out my next appointment is May 16. They really don't expect to see any change yet. They are just hoping for no more growth. At this point I'm not concerned about it at all.
I'm doing well with the oils and such but failing miserable with my diet..... I need to come up with a plan. I do so much better with a plan. I believe Mike and I are going to start something pretty stinkin strict very soon. Not excited at all but feeling ready to make the commitment. It's a health thing for us not a "get skinny" thing. I'd be lying if I said that wouldn't be an awesome bonus! Like really awesome. We had the great privilege of taking some visiting Pastors (Pasors IV and Bene from Epic Church) to the airport and they highly recommended this diet to us. I am getting out and walking as often as I can. It definitely is a mood lifter for me! Gets my blood flowing and love the fresh air!
Overall I feel like we are all doing pretty good. We just keep it "light" especially with Luke. This week one day we were on our way to school when I realized he didn't have a jacket or anything on! He definitely needed one on! So we laughed and I kept saying you look like you don't have a mother! He giggled :) When he got out of the car I said have a good day you little boy who doesn't have a mom, I said just tell them your mom is on chemo and is missing some of her brain. We just have as much fun with is as we can! I really do believe that he is doing so good!
"They have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, TRUSTING in the Lord." Psalm 112:7
Love,
Jess
I made a crap ton of phone calls this am figuring out insurance stuff, talking to Cleveland, calling my specialty pharmacy to make sure my meds were on the way....... feels like such a waste of time and so annoying. But... I did find out my next appointment is May 16. They really don't expect to see any change yet. They are just hoping for no more growth. At this point I'm not concerned about it at all.
I'm doing well with the oils and such but failing miserable with my diet..... I need to come up with a plan. I do so much better with a plan. I believe Mike and I are going to start something pretty stinkin strict very soon. Not excited at all but feeling ready to make the commitment. It's a health thing for us not a "get skinny" thing. I'd be lying if I said that wouldn't be an awesome bonus! Like really awesome. We had the great privilege of taking some visiting Pastors (Pasors IV and Bene from Epic Church) to the airport and they highly recommended this diet to us. I am getting out and walking as often as I can. It definitely is a mood lifter for me! Gets my blood flowing and love the fresh air!
Overall I feel like we are all doing pretty good. We just keep it "light" especially with Luke. This week one day we were on our way to school when I realized he didn't have a jacket or anything on! He definitely needed one on! So we laughed and I kept saying you look like you don't have a mother! He giggled :) When he got out of the car I said have a good day you little boy who doesn't have a mom, I said just tell them your mom is on chemo and is missing some of her brain. We just have as much fun with is as we can! I really do believe that he is doing so good!
"They have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, TRUSTING in the Lord." Psalm 112:7
Love,
Jess
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Quick update
So I haven't updated in awhile just because every time I think I'm going to do it I either fall asleep or just plain don't get to it. Obviously being tired is my biggest complaint. Most of the other side affects are minimal and have pretty much subsided at this point. Last night I had a hard time working and then again today. I don't know what to make of it.....is the chemo starting to build up in my body, did I do too much, or am I just that tired. I don't know. We figured this month would determine a lot about how my body was going to handle it. So we have another week plus but right now I'm the most exhausted I've been since I started this treatment. Fortunately Luke's soccer was canceled for tonight and I don't have too much to do tomorrow so hopefully I'll get the rest my body wants. Pretty sure I could go to bed right now and it's not even 6!
We have been SO blessed by everyone! Oh my goodness.....I don't even know how to thank everyone! The meals are sooooo awesome and even though I feel silly about it, it really is awesome! Luke especially loves the meals! We get excited for Mondays and Fridays! Even though I am capable of making dinner it's so awesome to come home to a meal 2x a week that Mike nor I had to make! Once again, I'm just tired. I love this community and the way everyone is ready and willing to do whatever they can! We are just so blessed.
I go for my first round of blood work tomorrow to see how my levels are and if I can continue on this treatment or if I need to take more than a week off next week or if my levels are good they are going to up my dosage. Sunday will be the start of my week off! Hallelujah! I'm soooo very ready!
That's all for now....Thanks for the way you all have been loving on us! You all know how to make someone feel special!
Love,
Jess
We have been SO blessed by everyone! Oh my goodness.....I don't even know how to thank everyone! The meals are sooooo awesome and even though I feel silly about it, it really is awesome! Luke especially loves the meals! We get excited for Mondays and Fridays! Even though I am capable of making dinner it's so awesome to come home to a meal 2x a week that Mike nor I had to make! Once again, I'm just tired. I love this community and the way everyone is ready and willing to do whatever they can! We are just so blessed.
I go for my first round of blood work tomorrow to see how my levels are and if I can continue on this treatment or if I need to take more than a week off next week or if my levels are good they are going to up my dosage. Sunday will be the start of my week off! Hallelujah! I'm soooo very ready!
That's all for now....Thanks for the way you all have been loving on us! You all know how to make someone feel special!
Love,
Jess
Monday, February 22, 2016
I did it!
Today I went to work! It may not sound like a big deal but last time there was no way I could have went to work on day 1 of treatment! I only worked 5 hrs but I did it and I feel pretty decent. Just more tired and if I didn't know better I'd think I was coming down with something. Fighting a little dizziness here and there but not bad! Of course the dizziness goes away when I eat! ugh......!!!! So THANK YOU for your prayers! I feel them and God hears them! Praying I continue to feel well! Just wanted to send a quick update!
With much love and a very grateful heart,
Jess
With much love and a very grateful heart,
Jess
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Today was the day...
Today had many ups and downs and I'm having trouble focusing long enough to write this. This is kind of how my day went....Luke and Mike stayed home from church because Luke had a low grade fever and has a nasty cough so I was solo today at church which is fine. Very rarely do I not get to have my favorite boys there but I love our church so it's no big deal. I had a cool little opportunity today at church. That little opportunity was nothing to most people but to me, it was a great little outlet for me to share a few little things. Speaking of outlets, I've found that writing on here is a great outlet! That little opportunity left me feeling so "charged!" I had imagined how I'd come home and take naps with the boys but I was too fired up! I did however lay down for awhile and The Proposal was on TV......ahhh.... it was theee perfect Sunday afternoon cry I needed! So I cried like a baby while the boys slept....it was much needed and was sooo good. I needed that "release." Like a Pastor once shared many years ago, a cry isn't a bad thing every once in awhile. It sort of hits your "reset" button. Which I find to be very true.
So this evening I finally started my chemo. I have to fast for a total of three hours with it so I took it about an hour ago and I'm definitely feeling "off." I feel a little dizzy and just not quite right. So this won't be long, because I need to go sleep it off soon before I do get sick. I can't even really wrap my head around how I feel about taking it...... It just sort of feels like a whirlwind. Is this for real? I wish not. I don't know why God is allowing this but I do know that I trust Him. I really don't even question "why." I do believe there is a purpose, He doesn't just fly by the seat of his pants. There's always purpose. What His purpose is, I don't know. I may never know. I'm ok with that. I trust Him. What I do know is this...... He want's me. He want's me to surrender everything. What He has for me is better than anything I could ever even dream of. Have I already surrendered? I surrender to him daily, dyeing to self daily. I don't know what my life would look like had I not surrendered to him 8/9 years ago.......but I'm so glad I did. As I write this I can hear Mike's phone playing Sinking Deep while he showers. I know this......that man is a changed man. Pretty sure I would have heard some sort of heavy metal before. I don't know who else God is going to reach through this but there is someone else that He's waiting for.
I talked with Luke yesterday and explained that I may feel kind of like I have the flu tomorrow and not sure how long it will last but I may not too. He was fine with it, he really seems to be doing so well so THANK YOU to each and everyone of you that have been praying for protection for him!
The longer I try to write, the fuzzier things get so that's all for tonight.
The journey continues but so does yours.
Love,
Jess
So this evening I finally started my chemo. I have to fast for a total of three hours with it so I took it about an hour ago and I'm definitely feeling "off." I feel a little dizzy and just not quite right. So this won't be long, because I need to go sleep it off soon before I do get sick. I can't even really wrap my head around how I feel about taking it...... It just sort of feels like a whirlwind. Is this for real? I wish not. I don't know why God is allowing this but I do know that I trust Him. I really don't even question "why." I do believe there is a purpose, He doesn't just fly by the seat of his pants. There's always purpose. What His purpose is, I don't know. I may never know. I'm ok with that. I trust Him. What I do know is this...... He want's me. He want's me to surrender everything. What He has for me is better than anything I could ever even dream of. Have I already surrendered? I surrender to him daily, dyeing to self daily. I don't know what my life would look like had I not surrendered to him 8/9 years ago.......but I'm so glad I did. As I write this I can hear Mike's phone playing Sinking Deep while he showers. I know this......that man is a changed man. Pretty sure I would have heard some sort of heavy metal before. I don't know who else God is going to reach through this but there is someone else that He's waiting for.
I talked with Luke yesterday and explained that I may feel kind of like I have the flu tomorrow and not sure how long it will last but I may not too. He was fine with it, he really seems to be doing so well so THANK YOU to each and everyone of you that have been praying for protection for him!
The longer I try to write, the fuzzier things get so that's all for tonight.
The journey continues but so does yours.
Love,
Jess
Sunday, February 14, 2016
P.S.
What does P.S. even mean?
I wanted to add so much more to the last post but one thing that people continue to ask me is if I deleted them on facebook. No, I did not delete anyone. I took a break from facebook. It started out early January as part of a corporate fast that we are encouraged to participate in at church. So after the 21 days were up I just felt like I wasn't ready to go back on. I don't miss it at all other than knowing when people's birthdays are! I'm just at a place in my life where it has become a distraction to me, distracting me from my family, my friends, and mostly God's word. So for this season of my life I'm not on facebook. I'm sure I'll be back but I'm just not quite ready. You all are still my sweet friends.
Love,
Jess
What does P.S. even mean?
I wanted to add so much more to the last post but one thing that people continue to ask me is if I deleted them on facebook. No, I did not delete anyone. I took a break from facebook. It started out early January as part of a corporate fast that we are encouraged to participate in at church. So after the 21 days were up I just felt like I wasn't ready to go back on. I don't miss it at all other than knowing when people's birthdays are! I'm just at a place in my life where it has become a distraction to me, distracting me from my family, my friends, and mostly God's word. So for this season of my life I'm not on facebook. I'm sure I'll be back but I'm just not quite ready. You all are still my sweet friends.
Love,
Jess
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Technology bites
Soooooo......after MANY hours of trying to figure out how to log back onto this blog I FINALLY got it!! I'm so sorry for the delay. The blog is so nice because everyone can know the real story and have the accurate information.
I'll start at the beginning.
First off, I have been feeling great. No symptoms what's so ever! What the heck?! We went to Cleveland on January 20 for a routine check up which always includes an MRI. That is when they told us that there was some new but minimal growth around the tumor area. They had a pretty in depth conversation with us on what to do next. Our possible options were, wait another few months and possibly have the same discussion on; when do we decided to do something to treat it, more surgery which I absolutely did not want but again would do if that's what they really felt I should, or Radiation which has never been something they wanted to do unless they had to but they were considering it now. I'm not going to lie, it was a long ride home that day. Mike's wrong turns didn't help! ;) You just never go there expecting that news. That was a Wednesday, Thursday the tumor board meets and discusses all current cases which now included mine. They said they would take the results of my MRI to the tumor board on Thursday and get back to me Friday. Friday came and went and we didn't hear anything....... Saturday about 6:00 my Dr. called and apologized up and down that they weren't able to call sooner. (I love Cleveland Clinic) He told me that the general consensus at the meeting was for me to do Chemotherapy again. Which was not something that had been presented to us as an option and I felt like this was a huge answer to prayer! I did it for 14 months about 8 years ago, right after my first surgery. My surgeon Dr. Barnett that performed both of my surgeries was the biggest supporter of me doing chemo again. He felt that the tumor responded very well to it in the past and that due to my age (radiant youth) and health (chubby but oddly healthy) that we should go that route again as it would be the least invasive as compared to radiation or surgery. Cleveland has always been about "quality of life" not quantity. Which we would agree with too. Obviously we pray for me to be around for many more years to see all that God has for us, but I'm also so thankful that they care about how I'll feel and not just counting how old they can get me to. So after that conversation on that Saturday evening we knew that chemo would be next for me.
Nobody felt any sense of urgency for me to get started, which was nice! So on February 9th we returned to Cleveland to determine what type of chemo I would be doing. I met with a new oncologist for this appointment because my previous oncologist was a pediatric oncologist. At the time I was first diagnosed I saw her because they didn't know if this was something I had for awhile or if it was new. (I was 26 when first diagnosed for those of you that are new to the blog) I met with Dr. Peereboom, we LOVED him! Didn't care for the practitioner that first came in but I quickly got over it when we met Dr. Peereboom. We established that we both loved Jesus right away which is so amazing when you're doctoring.....so awesome to have someone with similar beliefs! When we left for Cleveland on the 9th we assumed that this would be a quick trip, no MRI etc.......Hello....we were soooo wrong and I was so annoyed. I just kept thinking tell me what I have to do so we can GO! Ahhhhh, we saw 4 or 5 professionals that day...each o n e one at a t i m e. I'm clearly not the most patient person and I was getting so very annoyed, gosh I'm feeling it all over again! So back to the story.... He decided that it would be best for me to do the same chemo I did before. Which is pills! Praise The Lord, I don't have to leave home for chemo! This time I will take the chemo pills for 3 weeks then have one week off. In the past I took them for 5 days then took 28 days off. I will be doing half the dose of what I did the last time but for a longer period so they are hopeful that I will feel decent. He also said that he predicted that I would do this schedule of treatment for 12-18 months. I'm hoping and praying for a whole lot less than that, so that's where I'm asking for your prayers! I don't have fun memories at all from the last time I did chemo but I hope this time will be different on the lower dose. We are also doing some alternative treatment with oils and diet. Nothing too strict.....you all know me. Ha! Mostly limiting sugar intake because it's a proven fact that cancer feeds off sugar. I can promise you this though however, we WILL be having our nightly ice cream! I will just have to have even smaller bowls ;( Trying to eliminate most all other sugars except natural sugars.
My chemo was supposed to arrive via mail the end of this past week but they called me yesterday to update me that my insurance had delayed the process a bit. Sounds like I should have it early next week but either way I plan to start on a Sunday evening to keep the weeks straight etc. They have me fast for 2 hours before I take it and 1 hour after I take it so that's why it works best for me to take it at night. I'll take my anti-nausea pills 1 hour into my fast. Then hopefully I sleep through a lot of the sickness. The last time I did chemo the worst side affect was just being really week and tired. I will quite possibly cut my hours back at work or just shorten my days somehow but we are just sort of waiting it out because we are really hopeful that I'll feel good! Since my chemo did not come this week like planned I was once again very annoyed! We had made plans for Luke to go to a friend's house Sunday night so if I didn't feel well he wouldn't be home and I could cry and feel sorry for myself for awhile and Mike was going to take the day off work and I had shortened my evening at work but now that's all postponed a week. As much as I don't want to do this chemo again, I was just mentally ready to start. So yeah, I'm mad but it is what it is.
As for Luke.... he's still pretty awesome! Honestly he is doing very well with it all. We have told him what he needs to know and also have let him know that we will not tell anyone what is going on till we have told him so if someone approaches him at school and says ," hey, I heard your mom is having brain surgery?" He will know thats not true and slap them up! (kidding....mostly) It's different for Luke because it's all he's ever known. I was diagnosed right after his 3rd birthday so I don't think he remembers life before cancer. Which truly is probably a blessing. Once again though we most definitely ask for a prayer of protection for him.
And for Mike....I bet he would want me to say he's still awesome! ha! Okay..he's still awesome. He's pretty good but I think it's almost harder on him at times because he doesn't ever want to upset me with his emotions and quite honestly I'm good with that! He has that natural man thing.....fix it...make her better. So I ask for prayer of peace and guidance for him as well.
I realize these pictures on the blog need updated and most of the information does too but honestly, I'm going to pretend that Luke is still that little sweet boy and shoot.....I was a heck of a lot thinner too so as far as I'm concerned we look the same! ha ha!
Spiritually, we are so good. I feel such an AMAZING peace that can only come from God. God has been SO GOOD to us we have absolutely no doubt that he wouldn't continue to be! God continues to push us to go farther everyday and as reluctant to change as I tend to be.....I'm welcoming it and loving it! He's up to some big things for us and it's pretty cool when you turn your life over to Him and just surrender! (yeah me, surrendering! ha...this is crazy stuff)
I know this post has probably been all over the place and I'm so random but it's how it came out, what can I say?! Hope this has helped everyone have a better understanding of what's happening. Thank you for ALL of your love and prayers! We cannot even come up with words to express what it means to us!
Until the next time I figure how to log on...
Love,
Jess
I'll start at the beginning.
First off, I have been feeling great. No symptoms what's so ever! What the heck?! We went to Cleveland on January 20 for a routine check up which always includes an MRI. That is when they told us that there was some new but minimal growth around the tumor area. They had a pretty in depth conversation with us on what to do next. Our possible options were, wait another few months and possibly have the same discussion on; when do we decided to do something to treat it, more surgery which I absolutely did not want but again would do if that's what they really felt I should, or Radiation which has never been something they wanted to do unless they had to but they were considering it now. I'm not going to lie, it was a long ride home that day. Mike's wrong turns didn't help! ;) You just never go there expecting that news. That was a Wednesday, Thursday the tumor board meets and discusses all current cases which now included mine. They said they would take the results of my MRI to the tumor board on Thursday and get back to me Friday. Friday came and went and we didn't hear anything....... Saturday about 6:00 my Dr. called and apologized up and down that they weren't able to call sooner. (I love Cleveland Clinic) He told me that the general consensus at the meeting was for me to do Chemotherapy again. Which was not something that had been presented to us as an option and I felt like this was a huge answer to prayer! I did it for 14 months about 8 years ago, right after my first surgery. My surgeon Dr. Barnett that performed both of my surgeries was the biggest supporter of me doing chemo again. He felt that the tumor responded very well to it in the past and that due to my age (radiant youth) and health (chubby but oddly healthy) that we should go that route again as it would be the least invasive as compared to radiation or surgery. Cleveland has always been about "quality of life" not quantity. Which we would agree with too. Obviously we pray for me to be around for many more years to see all that God has for us, but I'm also so thankful that they care about how I'll feel and not just counting how old they can get me to. So after that conversation on that Saturday evening we knew that chemo would be next for me.
Nobody felt any sense of urgency for me to get started, which was nice! So on February 9th we returned to Cleveland to determine what type of chemo I would be doing. I met with a new oncologist for this appointment because my previous oncologist was a pediatric oncologist. At the time I was first diagnosed I saw her because they didn't know if this was something I had for awhile or if it was new. (I was 26 when first diagnosed for those of you that are new to the blog) I met with Dr. Peereboom, we LOVED him! Didn't care for the practitioner that first came in but I quickly got over it when we met Dr. Peereboom. We established that we both loved Jesus right away which is so amazing when you're doctoring.....so awesome to have someone with similar beliefs! When we left for Cleveland on the 9th we assumed that this would be a quick trip, no MRI etc.......Hello....we were soooo wrong and I was so annoyed. I just kept thinking tell me what I have to do so we can GO! Ahhhhh, we saw 4 or 5 professionals that day...each o n e one at a t i m e. I'm clearly not the most patient person and I was getting so very annoyed, gosh I'm feeling it all over again! So back to the story.... He decided that it would be best for me to do the same chemo I did before. Which is pills! Praise The Lord, I don't have to leave home for chemo! This time I will take the chemo pills for 3 weeks then have one week off. In the past I took them for 5 days then took 28 days off. I will be doing half the dose of what I did the last time but for a longer period so they are hopeful that I will feel decent. He also said that he predicted that I would do this schedule of treatment for 12-18 months. I'm hoping and praying for a whole lot less than that, so that's where I'm asking for your prayers! I don't have fun memories at all from the last time I did chemo but I hope this time will be different on the lower dose. We are also doing some alternative treatment with oils and diet. Nothing too strict.....you all know me. Ha! Mostly limiting sugar intake because it's a proven fact that cancer feeds off sugar. I can promise you this though however, we WILL be having our nightly ice cream! I will just have to have even smaller bowls ;( Trying to eliminate most all other sugars except natural sugars.
My chemo was supposed to arrive via mail the end of this past week but they called me yesterday to update me that my insurance had delayed the process a bit. Sounds like I should have it early next week but either way I plan to start on a Sunday evening to keep the weeks straight etc. They have me fast for 2 hours before I take it and 1 hour after I take it so that's why it works best for me to take it at night. I'll take my anti-nausea pills 1 hour into my fast. Then hopefully I sleep through a lot of the sickness. The last time I did chemo the worst side affect was just being really week and tired. I will quite possibly cut my hours back at work or just shorten my days somehow but we are just sort of waiting it out because we are really hopeful that I'll feel good! Since my chemo did not come this week like planned I was once again very annoyed! We had made plans for Luke to go to a friend's house Sunday night so if I didn't feel well he wouldn't be home and I could cry and feel sorry for myself for awhile and Mike was going to take the day off work and I had shortened my evening at work but now that's all postponed a week. As much as I don't want to do this chemo again, I was just mentally ready to start. So yeah, I'm mad but it is what it is.
As for Luke.... he's still pretty awesome! Honestly he is doing very well with it all. We have told him what he needs to know and also have let him know that we will not tell anyone what is going on till we have told him so if someone approaches him at school and says ," hey, I heard your mom is having brain surgery?" He will know thats not true and slap them up! (kidding....mostly) It's different for Luke because it's all he's ever known. I was diagnosed right after his 3rd birthday so I don't think he remembers life before cancer. Which truly is probably a blessing. Once again though we most definitely ask for a prayer of protection for him.
And for Mike....I bet he would want me to say he's still awesome! ha! Okay..he's still awesome. He's pretty good but I think it's almost harder on him at times because he doesn't ever want to upset me with his emotions and quite honestly I'm good with that! He has that natural man thing.....fix it...make her better. So I ask for prayer of peace and guidance for him as well.
I realize these pictures on the blog need updated and most of the information does too but honestly, I'm going to pretend that Luke is still that little sweet boy and shoot.....I was a heck of a lot thinner too so as far as I'm concerned we look the same! ha ha!
Spiritually, we are so good. I feel such an AMAZING peace that can only come from God. God has been SO GOOD to us we have absolutely no doubt that he wouldn't continue to be! God continues to push us to go farther everyday and as reluctant to change as I tend to be.....I'm welcoming it and loving it! He's up to some big things for us and it's pretty cool when you turn your life over to Him and just surrender! (yeah me, surrendering! ha...this is crazy stuff)
I know this post has probably been all over the place and I'm so random but it's how it came out, what can I say?! Hope this has helped everyone have a better understanding of what's happening. Thank you for ALL of your love and prayers! We cannot even come up with words to express what it means to us!
Until the next time I figure how to log on...
Love,
Jess
Friday, August 17, 2012
I'm back!!!!
Well I'm so happy to be back!!! I cannot even wrap my head around all the good news we've received! We are just too excited! We are so thankful for God's provision. We can't even imagine who we'd without Him!
I'm feeling very well. I really don't think I could feel any better! I get pretty tired at night but have to be careful not to nap because then I can't sleep. I'm super annoyed with all the steroids, feel like my face is blowing up like a ballon! Oh well, guess we will just roll with it. I have my share of annoying side effects but they will go away eventually!
So whenever you are ready to schedule your next appointment with me I am ready! I'm excited to get back at it!
Love,
Jess
I'm feeling very well. I really don't think I could feel any better! I get pretty tired at night but have to be careful not to nap because then I can't sleep. I'm super annoyed with all the steroids, feel like my face is blowing up like a ballon! Oh well, guess we will just roll with it. I have my share of annoying side effects but they will go away eventually!
So whenever you are ready to schedule your next appointment with me I am ready! I'm excited to get back at it!
Love,
Jess
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
It Worked!!!!! Thank you to everyone who said even the tiniest prayer. I think the prayers of children are the loudest. I know the Lord heard you because we asked for the pathology to be downgraded and to have no need for chemo. Guess what, when you ask God for something he not only delivers, but delivers in abundance. For now there will be no treatment whatsoever, and she can drive soon. Apparently, there is some new information the scientists have discovered about how these things work. Remember the 1P19Q chromosome thing, well there are two new things they look for. She has both of them in the good way. The Neurologist said that's a double positive. We didn't even know we wanted that, HA!!!Pretty much anything that concerned her was alleviated today. Hallelujah! They said to come back in two months for an MRI and see what happens. If nothing shows up then, they will move the MRI to every three months. For now, she will go to bed without knowing she will feel like trash tomorrow from the treatment. And with that every day is a blessing. Mike
Saturday, August 4, 2012
You can't keep her down.
How does she do it? The day we got home from Cleveland Jessie wanted to be wherever Luke was. Usually that is all over the place. He wanted to show us everything he'd done while we were gone. She followed him outside, then into his room, then back outside. I finally told her to sit down because she was making me nervous. God must have personally fed her strength. A couple days later she went for a nice little walk of about four miles. She told me today she thought she could probably go back to work, but came to the conclusion that maybe she better not push it. I'm not sure most people have that kind of ambition without having gone through brain surgery. If we can learn anything from this situation its this, don't wait to live your life fully and joyously, the way the Lord intended you to. I've seen more genuine smiles and heard more real laughter from her these last two weeks than you can imagine. Why do healthy people spend so much energy worrying about things that really don't matter. Stop complaining and start spreading His joy instead. This world is a better place because of people like Jessie. We return to Cleveland on the eighth to get the stitches out and to determine the next form of treatment. Pray for the pathology to be good and that she won't need chemo again. .
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Thank you for your continued support. We get to where we kind of count on it. I can't imagine anyone doing it alone. As you can imagine after what Jessie went through Tuesday there is some swelling now. If I remember correctly it should start to improve tomorrow. Dr Barnett wanted to check some things during this exact time to make sure all her meds are administered at the correct dosage. Soooo, he ordered another test which I'm told takes up to 24 hours. Hopefully tomorrow they will release her. If you know how these places are you know patients rest half an hour at a time. I'm looking forward to getting her home for some peace and quiet. I know what you're thinking... 8 year olds don't know still and quiet! Luke was a gift at appropriately the right time. He's a wonderful child of God with a huge heart full of compassion for people. I've seen it over and over. He reminds me so much of his Mom. He will be as good a nurse as anyone. I expect him to be a big help without my asking it of him. He spent the day helping friends clean the windows and floors at home. I wouldn't believe it if I didn't see the pictures ha. We long for the view of familiar ground and faces. She is well taken care of here and at home. I understand wanting to see her smiling face, but this kind of thing is tough on a body of any age.Please no visitors for a while. Thank you all. Mike
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
She made it!!! 10 hours of preop, MRI tests, and surgery. I can only imagine how strong she must be. Sore and swollen but still she smiles at people. How wonderful it was to see each other again. Today she has made good efforts at recovery. Food and sleep when the body needs it are gifts from above. Jessie was on her feet already so on to our own room. Everyone's prayers and messages were what get you through something like this. We can't thank you enough. Every day is a blessing from the lord. Never overlook a chance to show kindness and a smile. Hug those you care about because you never know how many you'll get. Praise the Lord for his presence her this week and for his healing hand. More updates this week. Hopefully soon you will hear from her in her own words. Mike
Friday, July 20, 2012
Not too much to say......I know that 's not normal for me :)
Well, we're ok. Just taking a day at a time. Everyday is different and sometimes how we're doing changes with the minute, hour, or day. It's been hard, harder the second time in ways. Less of a shock maybe this time but hard knowing what's ahead of us. I absolutely want nothing to do with surgery next week. Nothing at all. We leave Monday morning for Cleveland and will most likely be there a good part of the week. Surgery is first thing Tuesday. Fortunately Luke will be able to stay with family in the comforts of his own home! We are so so very thankful for family and friends. I don't know how we would do this without their support.
Sweet Luke......I want to protect that precious little boy so badly. My heart just breaks seeing that this definitely has affected him. It was so much easier when he was too little to know what was going on. He's doing good really, probably better than I think. I just see how he responds to some things and some of his questions and I see that he is a little scared too. He had his tonsils out on the first day of summer vacation this year and I think that was a blessing in disguise. He now has some understanding of what surgery is and that you don't feel well for a few weeks. I think that will really help him understand this process. Yes, this is a bit more complex but hopefully not so in his mind. We've talked with him quite a bit about this all but not too in depth. I hope that everyone is careful with what they share with their children for Luke's sake. I just want so desperately to protect him. Praying that this will only make him stronger and a more compassionate man someday. Man???? ewww......BOY...let's keep him a boy for awhile.
Mike......he's ok too. He wants to "fix" it and he can't so therefor he's maybe not really ok. I hate cancer. I really don't like the word "hate" except when it comes to cancer. I hate it like HATE it.
I've been on a mission to tie up lose ends these last few weeks and this weekend. I guess it's kind of like nesting. Top things I had to do before surgery: Clean house, clean my car, and pay bills. The three things that absolutely make me crazy if there not done. My house is not spick and span but I like a "picked up house" and I cannot stand it when my car is dirty! I like a clean car. Clean house and clean car just give me a sense of having it "together!" I don't like to have bills laying around either. I have to leave them on the counter so I don't forget about them but I don't like clutter on my counter so it makes me pay bills. :) I have those 3 things pretty well done. The laundry........well it's still in the dryer. It can stay there awhile :)
So I'm checking out for awhile. Mike says he is going to update the blog while I'm off so that could be interesting! If he can't, someone else will.
I think I'll leave the "news" for another time. I'm excited to share it with you but I'm out of words for tonight and I would really like to share my heart with you about it so it's going to have to wait!
Thank you very much for your prayers and love.
Love,
Jess
Sweet Luke......I want to protect that precious little boy so badly. My heart just breaks seeing that this definitely has affected him. It was so much easier when he was too little to know what was going on. He's doing good really, probably better than I think. I just see how he responds to some things and some of his questions and I see that he is a little scared too. He had his tonsils out on the first day of summer vacation this year and I think that was a blessing in disguise. He now has some understanding of what surgery is and that you don't feel well for a few weeks. I think that will really help him understand this process. Yes, this is a bit more complex but hopefully not so in his mind. We've talked with him quite a bit about this all but not too in depth. I hope that everyone is careful with what they share with their children for Luke's sake. I just want so desperately to protect him. Praying that this will only make him stronger and a more compassionate man someday. Man???? ewww......BOY...let's keep him a boy for awhile.
Mike......he's ok too. He wants to "fix" it and he can't so therefor he's maybe not really ok. I hate cancer. I really don't like the word "hate" except when it comes to cancer. I hate it like HATE it.
I've been on a mission to tie up lose ends these last few weeks and this weekend. I guess it's kind of like nesting. Top things I had to do before surgery: Clean house, clean my car, and pay bills. The three things that absolutely make me crazy if there not done. My house is not spick and span but I like a "picked up house" and I cannot stand it when my car is dirty! I like a clean car. Clean house and clean car just give me a sense of having it "together!" I don't like to have bills laying around either. I have to leave them on the counter so I don't forget about them but I don't like clutter on my counter so it makes me pay bills. :) I have those 3 things pretty well done. The laundry........well it's still in the dryer. It can stay there awhile :)
So I'm checking out for awhile. Mike says he is going to update the blog while I'm off so that could be interesting! If he can't, someone else will.
I think I'll leave the "news" for another time. I'm excited to share it with you but I'm out of words for tonight and I would really like to share my heart with you about it so it's going to have to wait!
Thank you very much for your prayers and love.
Love,
Jess
Monday, July 9, 2012
Another day at Cleveland
Surgery it is.....July 24. Not at all what we wanted but we were definitely convinced that it was the right choice for me. I'm beyond exhausted and really want to be in my bed so this is going to be short and sweet. My surgeon feels very confident that he can remove it all and feels like there is very minimal risk involved. So that's the good news inside the bad. I will be taking approximately 4-6 weeks off work which is quite overwhelming.......a lot of phone calls to make in the next week. I will be working however until the surgery. I plan to be very busy enjoying Summer with my boys on my days off until surgery.
We are emotionally totally wiped out.
Please know that I appreciate every single text, message, call, etc. I don't always respond as I'm trying not to be on my phone too much and trying to cherish each moment with Luke and Mike. Your prayers and little messages mean a ton to me......they really do.
I do have some specific prayer request for you prayer warriors! Most important is that the grade of the tumor has not went up. That will be determined after it is removed. Next, that I don't have to do chemo. My surgeon suggested that might be a possibility. A slim possibility but worth praying for! I absolutely dread chemo.
I will write more later, tonight I'm just too tired.
Oh and I do have some exciting news but I keep you in suspense for those of you who don't know until next time! :)
Good night for now,
Love,
Jess
We are emotionally totally wiped out.
Please know that I appreciate every single text, message, call, etc. I don't always respond as I'm trying not to be on my phone too much and trying to cherish each moment with Luke and Mike. Your prayers and little messages mean a ton to me......they really do.
I do have some specific prayer request for you prayer warriors! Most important is that the grade of the tumor has not went up. That will be determined after it is removed. Next, that I don't have to do chemo. My surgeon suggested that might be a possibility. A slim possibility but worth praying for! I absolutely dread chemo.
I will write more later, tonight I'm just too tired.
Oh and I do have some exciting news but I keep you in suspense for those of you who don't know until next time! :)
Good night for now,
Love,
Jess
Friday, July 6, 2012
The sting of old wounds.
Yesterday we went to Cleveland for my functional MRI. It's a very intense MRI that does brain mapping. This is the MRI that will determine if surgery is the right choice for me or not. It will also be the MRI that would guide them through surgery. It was a little over an hour long. To say the least , yesterday was a very hard day. I was somewhere I never wanted to be again nor thought I'd be again, doing something I never wanted to do again. The building seemed to be filled with very very ill and severely sick people. It seemed as they all were dying. I don't want to "fit" in there. I felt like we were threw right back into a tough reality. The last week or so had actually been very good. Most days I could actually forget about all that was ahead of us but yesterday made it very real. The MRI itself is very stressful and exhausting but the emotions of it all were equally tough.
We go back Monday to meet with my surgeon and discuss the results and find out if we will do surgery or start right away with chemo. Originally I wanted the surgery because they said that's always their first choice because they can remove so much at once then follow up with chemo to get whatever's left. After being there yesterday, I DO NOT want surgery. I do not want to go through this again. I do not want to do chemo for that matter either.
Today I feel like I'm still sorting out the emotions, trying to get back on my feet again. It seems so much harder with Luke being older. Right now I want to go to a deserted Island for about 6 months and come back and it all be over with!
I know that Christ took all our sickness with him to the cross and I've really been claiming that. I would be shouting to the world to go back and have those Dr.'s say there's nothing there.......a miraculous healing! I am on my knees..............a lot. I can't change this, neither can Mike which is so hard to except but HE can.
Mike for that matter is struggling. He won't like that I said that but he needs your prayers as much as I do. He doesn't talk about it much, I think he's trying to be strong for Luke and I.
We are fortunate to have awesome people in our lives. We have some of the BEST friends and family in the world. We need them all and we are soooo very thankful for each and everyone of you.
On another note, our friends have been going through the adoption process and could really use some prayer. It has been a very long and exhausting road for them. They have been fortunate enough to have spent the last 6 months with an amazing little girl that has forever changed their lives. Praying that they get to bring her HOME for good very soon. We love her too and can't wait to spend more time with her! She's cuter than you can imagine! :)
Well some healing took place while I typed this out so now I better get back to the reality of laundry, bills, cleaning....etc! Gag......I'd rather go lay in the pool all day!
My favorite verse: "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4;13
Love, Jess
We go back Monday to meet with my surgeon and discuss the results and find out if we will do surgery or start right away with chemo. Originally I wanted the surgery because they said that's always their first choice because they can remove so much at once then follow up with chemo to get whatever's left. After being there yesterday, I DO NOT want surgery. I do not want to go through this again. I do not want to do chemo for that matter either.
Today I feel like I'm still sorting out the emotions, trying to get back on my feet again. It seems so much harder with Luke being older. Right now I want to go to a deserted Island for about 6 months and come back and it all be over with!
I know that Christ took all our sickness with him to the cross and I've really been claiming that. I would be shouting to the world to go back and have those Dr.'s say there's nothing there.......a miraculous healing! I am on my knees..............a lot. I can't change this, neither can Mike which is so hard to except but HE can.
Mike for that matter is struggling. He won't like that I said that but he needs your prayers as much as I do. He doesn't talk about it much, I think he's trying to be strong for Luke and I.
We are fortunate to have awesome people in our lives. We have some of the BEST friends and family in the world. We need them all and we are soooo very thankful for each and everyone of you.
On another note, our friends have been going through the adoption process and could really use some prayer. It has been a very long and exhausting road for them. They have been fortunate enough to have spent the last 6 months with an amazing little girl that has forever changed their lives. Praying that they get to bring her HOME for good very soon. We love her too and can't wait to spend more time with her! She's cuter than you can imagine! :)
Well some healing took place while I typed this out so now I better get back to the reality of laundry, bills, cleaning....etc! Gag......I'd rather go lay in the pool all day!
My favorite verse: "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4;13
Love, Jess
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Not what we hoped and prayed for.
We were to Cleveland last week and we didn't exactly get the news we wanted. It's not the worst news but still hard to take. There is minimal new growth on my MRI in comparison to a scan from a year ago. I will absolutely do chemo again and surgery may be an option. I will go back in July for a functional MRI and then go back to meet with the surgeon to discuss the results and decide if surgery is a good option for me or not. We are managing to put one foot in front of the other but to say the least .....it's been hard. We are tired, just plain tired. We've talked with Luke lightly about this and so far he seems to be doing very well with it. I don't think he really understands what's ahead of us. He was too little the first time around that he doesn't remember me being sick. It was much easier then. I've always been thankful that he was so young the first time around. Seems as though the older they are the harder it is for them. He has no idea that he is going to be the reason I push through this.......as much as I dread being sick, tired, and all the Dr.'s apts. We sort of had the weekend to wrap our heads around this all and I'd say I feel like I'm finally getting a "grasp" of it all. It's been hard, it's been exhausting, it's been way emotional, it's just been very trying. We're not sleeping too well so I'm tired and not up for writing much. I knew I needed to update this though.
As always, we are SO thankful for all of our prayer warriors out there! Your text, emails, cards, etc. mean more than you'll ever know. Thank you.......you lift us up when we are falling.
I know I'm not too exciting this morning but I never am in the morning :) I hope this doesn't come across negative. I do not doubt that God has a wonderful plan for our lives. I know he will bring each of us through this. As frustrated as we are, we do not doubt Him. I do have peace that it's all going to be "ok." Just a "bump" in the road I suppose. I prefer smooth roads. :)
Love,
Jess
As always, we are SO thankful for all of our prayer warriors out there! Your text, emails, cards, etc. mean more than you'll ever know. Thank you.......you lift us up when we are falling.
I know I'm not too exciting this morning but I never am in the morning :) I hope this doesn't come across negative. I do not doubt that God has a wonderful plan for our lives. I know he will bring each of us through this. As frustrated as we are, we do not doubt Him. I do have peace that it's all going to be "ok." Just a "bump" in the road I suppose. I prefer smooth roads. :)
Love,
Jess
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Taking it all in
Today felt like a milestone in this journey/life. Today Luke had his first piano recital. His Great Great Aunt is his teacher! She is an amazing woman. It has been such a privilege for him and myself to have her all to ourselves for a half an hour every week. If it weren't for piano we wouldn't really see her much and sadly Luke probably wouldn't have really known her. We are the lucky ones. I treasure her. At most lessons she says something about my Grandparents. It's always good to hear her stories about them for myself and for Luke who never knew them and at most lessons I tear up seeing her and Luke sit there on that piano bench together. What a beautiful thing.
Luke is pretty timid in front of too many people so we weren't sure how the recital would go. He did awesome! We were soooooo very proud of him! He had a big grin and so did we! I fought the tears off pretty well most of the time. I don't think I can even sum up the emotions I was feeling today. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Gratefulness for being here to see this day, Joy for Luke having her as his teacher, Love for Luke, So very Proud of the little boy he's become, Sadness that my Grandparents aren't here to see these things, and much more! Today while we sat there and listened to those kids play it felt big to me.... It was. God has blessed us greatly. I sat there and realized that life is happening all around me and I'm just so thankful that I get to be here for it all!
Our family welcomed a new baby this week too! Another reminder of God's miracles. I loved holding that baby and just relishing those moments.
I also have a cousin who is breaking records and taking names in high school wrestling! It's been fun to watch and we are incredibly proud of the person he is.
The recital, the baby, the wrestling.......I'm seeing it, feeling it, smelling it, hearing it.......I'm loving it all. Grandma would have loved it all too, I'm missing her in the midst of it all.
It's so easy to take it all for granted and I do but not today.
Love,
Jess
Today I'm loving
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Emotional overload
We traveled to Cleveland yesterday for my routine MRI and oncology appointment. My oncologist allowed me to go 5 months for the first time so it has been a nice 5 month break! Much needed! All was well with my MRI........very very thankful for that! That really makes all the other things that I get bent out of shape about seem much less important. My MRI didn't start out to well. Which like I said isn't that big of a deal now but at the time I was in "emotional overload" so it seemed big. I've had to give in and get the I.V. that I've fought for as long as I could. In the past they would do about half of my MRI then pull me out, inject the dye then proceed with the rest of the MRI. Now I'm having a different kind of MRI. It's called profusion. I've had this the last few times now and I have to have the I.V. for this type of MRI.
So to back up a little, these appointments bring much anxiety. Nothing like getting in the car knowing that your life could be turned upside down in a few hours. I really did feel good about this appointment but that anxiety seems to be unavoidable. Which when I'm anxious or stressed I get quiet and edgy, Mike turns everything into a joke when he's stressed. Needless to say I don't find him funny at the time. Not a good combo at times! :) Can make for a quiet ride to Cleveland.
I didn't get the best two people for my I.V. this time. The male nurse was a jerk and the lady nurse seemed as though it was her first I.V. I understand that everyone has to start sometime but PLEASE not on me! Needless to say they had trouble starting my I.V. which is surprising because they always tell me what good veins I have and how easy I am to get. So that's when the tears started. Totally out of my control. I didn't want to be crying but seemed to not be able to stop. I hate going to these appointments and I hate I.V.'s .
I titled this "Emotional overload" because I don't think the tears were all about an I.V. I think they were about a lot of things. I also broke into tears a few weeks ago when the dentist told me I needed a root canal and crown. Which is not something I would typically cry about. I think they were caused a lot by the anxiety that comes with this appointment and knowing of so many people around me who have really needed the prayers lately. Feel like I'm keeping God pretty busy with my prayer requests.
When I was younger I lost my best friend. At that age I was devistated for myself....and pretty much myself only (I was in 10). It was about me then (so I thought). When my grandparents passed away......I was hurting for me......pretty much just me again. Over the past few years I've realized what it's like to have your heart break for someone else. To see someone else in so much pain and feel so helpless. I have truly felt like it's breaking my heart but for them. It's so hard to see someone going through something so terrible and feel so helpless. There are a few families close to my heart that have needed my prayers lately and I think that is all a part of the emotional overload. I just want to fix it all for them. I want to do more than pray for them......I want to make it all go away for them.
As much as it's been an emotional week, I've seen a few prayers answered already this week and I'm hoping to see a few more.
Almost forgot to tell you more about my answered prayer.......I will not be returning at this point for another 5 months!!!! AND she said if I do well at my next appointment then she will consider letting me go 6 months!!!!! WE ARE THRILLED!
All my love,
Jess
Friday, December 2, 2011
No News is Good News....promise.
Sorry....blogging just isn't on my mind....like ever. I'm sorry for those of you that this your way of staying updated on how I am doing. Fortunately I've been fantastic and I am living a normal (whatever that is) life! It sometimes seems as though all that we went through (which has just passed 4 years!!!) was forever ago or not even real?! I think that's great. I wouldn't wish it all on anyone but have truly been blessed by it all. None the less I'm glad it seems like my past and not my life now.
Anyways....I was to Cleveland mid August for my routine 3 month MRI and oncologist appointment and if I was technology savvy at all I would post the picture Mike took of my oncologist and I together. She's awesome. God gave us good news again in August. Stable....the world we've come to love.....again. Going at least every 3 months for the last 4 years we LOVE the word stable! My goal for my August appointment was not only for a stable report but also to express to my oncologist that these appointments were wearing on me...... had a rough few months.....lost a few great people to this disgusting disease.....watched a family that I adore lose a husband/father.......had a "suspicious" possible cancerous spot in my mouth removed with oral surgery (which seems to be fine).....just sick of sad crap to say the least. My oncologist has said from the beginning that she would consider letting me go 6 months between appointments after my MRI's had been stable for 5 years. Let me just remind you how awesome our God is......surgeon (top in the world) and oncologist all hoped I would go 2 to 3 years before needing surgery again.....so....yep....God is real good 4 years later. Anyway...I told her these things and she thought quietly for awhile and said, "Sure, I feel comfortable with not seeing you till after the first of the year!" Music to our ears! That was BIG, like GIGANTIC, like as big as the OCEAN! So I guess I've been on "leave" and LOVING it! Maybe that's why this whole cancer thing doesn't seem like my life anymore since this is the longest break I"ve had from it....I don't know and don't care. It's grand anyway. Maybe that's why I've not blogged.....I've been enjoying my "leave." Never the less I got the dreaded appointment letter in the mail about a month ago and yes it feels like there's an ugly dark cloud lingering again. It's folded up as small and discretely as possible...hoping maybe I can forget about it somewhat as long as possible. Yes....maybe avoidance is how I deal but oh well. I go back January 11....I think. I honestly don't remember right now. I feel great....I've enjoyed this break.
We're doing great as a family as well. Mike is happy as ever because it's hunting season.....gag. Luke is loving the first grade and doing great! We stay plenty busy and really we're enjoying it all.
Heart break and sadness seems to be everywhere.......I have a dear friend who has been dealing with great pain in a different way for a few years now and now another friend who is dear to us was recently diagnosed with cancer too. I go back to a song that seemed to bring me peace when this was all new to us......http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNeOmrq37MI&feature=related...... By the way this is a FIRST.....never have attempted to post a link....let's see if I actually did it right! :) Hope so.....hope you get to enjoy.
Until next time,
Jess
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways....I was to Cleveland mid August for my routine 3 month MRI and oncologist appointment and if I was technology savvy at all I would post the picture Mike took of my oncologist and I together. She's awesome. God gave us good news again in August. Stable....the world we've come to love.....again. Going at least every 3 months for the last 4 years we LOVE the word stable! My goal for my August appointment was not only for a stable report but also to express to my oncologist that these appointments were wearing on me...... had a rough few months.....lost a few great people to this disgusting disease.....watched a family that I adore lose a husband/father.......had a "suspicious" possible cancerous spot in my mouth removed with oral surgery (which seems to be fine).....just sick of sad crap to say the least. My oncologist has said from the beginning that she would consider letting me go 6 months between appointments after my MRI's had been stable for 5 years. Let me just remind you how awesome our God is......surgeon (top in the world) and oncologist all hoped I would go 2 to 3 years before needing surgery again.....so....yep....God is real good 4 years later. Anyway...I told her these things and she thought quietly for awhile and said, "Sure, I feel comfortable with not seeing you till after the first of the year!" Music to our ears! That was BIG, like GIGANTIC, like as big as the OCEAN! So I guess I've been on "leave" and LOVING it! Maybe that's why this whole cancer thing doesn't seem like my life anymore since this is the longest break I"ve had from it....I don't know and don't care. It's grand anyway. Maybe that's why I've not blogged.....I've been enjoying my "leave." Never the less I got the dreaded appointment letter in the mail about a month ago and yes it feels like there's an ugly dark cloud lingering again. It's folded up as small and discretely as possible...hoping maybe I can forget about it somewhat as long as possible. Yes....maybe avoidance is how I deal but oh well. I go back January 11....I think. I honestly don't remember right now. I feel great....I've enjoyed this break.
We're doing great as a family as well. Mike is happy as ever because it's hunting season.....gag. Luke is loving the first grade and doing great! We stay plenty busy and really we're enjoying it all.
Heart break and sadness seems to be everywhere.......I have a dear friend who has been dealing with great pain in a different way for a few years now and now another friend who is dear to us was recently diagnosed with cancer too. I go back to a song that seemed to bring me peace when this was all new to us......http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNeOmrq37MI&feature=related...... By the way this is a FIRST.....never have attempted to post a link....let's see if I actually did it right! :) Hope so.....hope you get to enjoy.
Until next time,
Jess
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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