In just a few short hours it will be Thursday June 26th in which we will celebrate Luke's Birthday! We have big plans for the week. He has been celebrating all week. We are hoping the weather will cooperate so we can visit the zoo for the first time this year and then out for lunch at his favorite train restaurant. Our big Birthday celebration is supposed to take place on Saturday. Luke has invited several friends for a party at our house. We rented a big inflatable and plan on having the kids just play outside in the pool and the sprinklers, see the horses, etc. As of right now the weather isn't looking favorable. They're calling for rain! :( So Luke has been praying all day that God will not let it rain on his Birthday party day!
I can't find the words to describe the blessing that he is to our lives. Luke has always blessed us. He was a good baby from the start. He's never really given us a real tough time. Don't get me wrong he's still rotten at times. We know that through all we've experienced in the last year that God has given us our strength but Luke keeps are heads' up. He has such a humor about him. Several times throughout the day he has us just laughing uncontrollably. He's just an absolute riot! As I sit here and try to find the words to describe the pure joy he brings to our lives tears are just running down my face. I can be having an absolutely terrible day and when he walks in the room his smile just lights up my world!
I want to live for many reasons but Luke makes me fight this cancer 100x harder. No matter where this journey takes me I just pray that Luke will know how much I love him. I will always know that I have been blessed to have the two greatest men/boys I have ever known in my life.
Luke, I love you more than ten thousand worlds!!!!!
XOXO
MOM
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
9 Down ?? to go.
I finished up round #9 of chemo this past Friday. It went okay. It was still chemo. I'm feeling well right now and finally back to "normal." I know it's been awhile since the last time I posted something and so much as been going on since then. For one we had my mom's surprise 50th Birthday party and that was great! The last time I wrote I was doing okay emotionally with this *&%#@. and then not so well. I think all the talk about Senator Kennedy and his brain tumor may have triggered it. Everyone was talking about the statistics and what not. All the "experts" were on T.V. giving their grim expectations for his survival and the survival of brain cancer. It also occurred to me that when they removed my tumor they said that they hope for it not to come back for 2 to 3 years and I realized it will be one year pretty soon. That definitely had me panicked. Let's just say I had a real setback for a few weeks or so. I was starting to believe I was going to die tomorrow. Well thank the Lord I have a much better outlook now. I'm feeling much more positive and more determined than ever that I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE.
This weekend is Relay For Life. I hope everyone who is able to will support this. Cancer sucks and we need more knowledge, more studies, more survivors! I've done a lot of research on cancer and survivor-ship since my diagnosis. I don't know if mine could have been prevented but I have learned that there is a lot we can do ourselves to lessen our chances. So I am strongly encouraging everyone to educate yourselves. Eat right, exercise, and read the word of God (all that about the eating and such is actually right there).
Last but surely not Least, a tribute to all the "Mike's" out there. Cancer surely is miserable for the one with the diagnosis but it's miserable for those who are there with you. Those of us with cancer get the sympathy and the prayers but sometimes forgotten is the one who is holding our hand the whole way! Mike is the one who carries all the weight on his shoulders. Holding up his job, a side job, a rowdy little boy, a sick wife, a home, and trying to be the strong one all the time. His burdens are not the same but just as big. I'm also blessed with a mom who would give me a new brain if she could and a family that would do anything to "fix" this. I also have found that I have great friends. I read once in some cancer book that your friendships will change throughout this and it was right. Some friendships have faded and others have been made so strong. Each and every person who stands by someone who is fighting cancer is truly fighting cancer too. So THANK YOU to ALL of you!!
So long for now. I hope everyone is enjoying their Summer. We sure are! By the way, I forgot to add Luke is still just as awesome as ever!!!!! CUTE TOO!!!!
Love,
Jessie
This weekend is Relay For Life. I hope everyone who is able to will support this. Cancer sucks and we need more knowledge, more studies, more survivors! I've done a lot of research on cancer and survivor-ship since my diagnosis. I don't know if mine could have been prevented but I have learned that there is a lot we can do ourselves to lessen our chances. So I am strongly encouraging everyone to educate yourselves. Eat right, exercise, and read the word of God (all that about the eating and such is actually right there).
Last but surely not Least, a tribute to all the "Mike's" out there. Cancer surely is miserable for the one with the diagnosis but it's miserable for those who are there with you. Those of us with cancer get the sympathy and the prayers but sometimes forgotten is the one who is holding our hand the whole way! Mike is the one who carries all the weight on his shoulders. Holding up his job, a side job, a rowdy little boy, a sick wife, a home, and trying to be the strong one all the time. His burdens are not the same but just as big. I'm also blessed with a mom who would give me a new brain if she could and a family that would do anything to "fix" this. I also have found that I have great friends. I read once in some cancer book that your friendships will change throughout this and it was right. Some friendships have faded and others have been made so strong. Each and every person who stands by someone who is fighting cancer is truly fighting cancer too. So THANK YOU to ALL of you!!
So long for now. I hope everyone is enjoying their Summer. We sure are! By the way, I forgot to add Luke is still just as awesome as ever!!!!! CUTE TOO!!!!
Love,
Jessie
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Cruise Control
Not too much new to report. I'm feeling very well. In fact I realized today that it seems like I'm riding along on cruise control. Things are going well. Chemo has become a part of life and I seem to be fairly used to it and know a bit more of what to expect. We're just counting down the rounds one at a time. One year of treatment will be complete by mid September. When I started they told me I would do it for at least a year but no longer than 18 months. So my prayers are begging to be done in September. In the meantime I've realized to appreciate the health I have right now and that most of my days are good. I'm living a fairly normal life and I can play with Luke just like before all this was a part of our life. So things are good for us.
There's a song that plays over and over in my head and it has seemed to help me find peace. I can't tell you who wrote it but it goes like this, "I'm not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned............" It's helped me to let go of the "WHY." I don't get it. I don't know if I will ever understand but I've realized we don't have to get it we just have to trust in God. Letting go of why is hard, and I still fight it but I'm getting closer.
Take care,
Jessie
P.S. I was a Grey's Anatomy fan but currently it's rotten! Those of you who are watching will know why!!!!
There's a song that plays over and over in my head and it has seemed to help me find peace. I can't tell you who wrote it but it goes like this, "I'm not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned............" It's helped me to let go of the "WHY." I don't get it. I don't know if I will ever understand but I've realized we don't have to get it we just have to trust in God. Letting go of why is hard, and I still fight it but I'm getting closer.
Take care,
Jessie
P.S. I was a Grey's Anatomy fan but currently it's rotten! Those of you who are watching will know why!!!!
Friday, May 9, 2008
FRUSTRATION
Tonight will be the last night for round #8 that I will take chemo but the effect usually lasts through early next week. This treatment has been tolerable. I've had some stomach pain and nausea but has been better than some prior treatments. The most annoying part is the ridiculous fatigue. Chemo stinks.
Last night we received news that Leslie's cancer has spread now to her lungs. I don't know many of the details but apparently it's in the lining of her lungs. I have never met Leslie in person but she has become someone very special to me. She in one of the few people who could really relate to what I am going through and encourage me and I hope I've been able to do the same for her. Leslie has been very ill for a very long time now. I'm crushed by this news but I can only imagine how heartbreaking this is for her husband Tyson and little TJ. I'm asking for you to pray for miraculous healing and that she will be well and with her boys soon. To follow her journey and get updates you can go to www.forleslie.blogspot.com
That's all for today. I'm at a loss for words.
Love, Jessie
Last night we received news that Leslie's cancer has spread now to her lungs. I don't know many of the details but apparently it's in the lining of her lungs. I have never met Leslie in person but she has become someone very special to me. She in one of the few people who could really relate to what I am going through and encourage me and I hope I've been able to do the same for her. Leslie has been very ill for a very long time now. I'm crushed by this news but I can only imagine how heartbreaking this is for her husband Tyson and little TJ. I'm asking for you to pray for miraculous healing and that she will be well and with her boys soon. To follow her journey and get updates you can go to www.forleslie.blogspot.com
That's all for today. I'm at a loss for words.
Love, Jessie
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
GOOD REPORT!
We're back from Cleveland with a good report. I didn't have to spend the night which was nice. They ended up fitting all my apt.'s into one day. First apt. today was my MRI which is always the never racking one. As the machine beeps and shakes I lay there with my eyes closed praying that God will show the Dr.'s his miraculous healing. Next was my oncologist apt. in which my MRI was read and as we had prayed and hoped for a good report. I didn't see my usual oncologist so this one wasn't as familiar with my last scan to compare it with this one. He did say though that there was definitely NO growth. He said one could argue if it the "white area" (which we want to disappear) was smaller. This is good. He also said that this "area" could possibly even be scarring from surgery. I definitely felt as though this scan showed improvement in comparison to the last scan. Hopefully I will talk tomorrow with my regular oncologist to she what she thinks. My last apt. was my EEG. Apparently my oncologist wants to see if my seizure meds could be cut back and possibly go off of them in time. I would love that. I don't like having to take all these pills not to mention the cost of so many monthly meds. Even with good insurance co-pays add up quickly. I won't know the results of the EEG till possibly Wed. or so. They shouldn't be much to worry about. I'll will still pray for good results.
All in all it was a good visit. Mom, Jamie and Janel all went with me. We stopped to do a little quick shopping on the way home. It was a good day.
Thanks for all your prayers and concern.
Love, Jess and family.
All in all it was a good visit. Mom, Jamie and Janel all went with me. We stopped to do a little quick shopping on the way home. It was a good day.
Thanks for all your prayers and concern.
Love, Jess and family.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
BACK FROM CHICAGO
We traveled to Chicago this past weekend for the 5k to raise money for the American Brain Tumor Association. We had a great time. We had over 50 people on our team and our team raised nearly $14,000!!! It was cool to see so many people come out to support us! Mike, Luke and I had so much fun! We needed to get away. With all that's going on we're just so busy and don't get much time to do fun stuff. Luke was so fun. He's such a good traveler. He didn't care what we did as long as he was able to swim in the pool (the very cold pool) every day! Thank you to everyone who supported this cause and who went along and participated!
Right now it's 1:45 am on Tuesday morning. Today we travel to Cleveland for my routine MRI and this time an EEG. The EEG is to check for any seizure activity and for this EEG I'm not allowed to have more than 4 hours of sleep tonight and no caffeine tomorrow before the test. I figured I can't go to bed till at least 2:30 am. This is not going over well for me! I really like to sleep. I went to Meijer to get groceries after work tonight since they're open 24 hours. That helped pass some of the time, now I'm just catching up on some emails and whatever else I can do to stay awake. Hopefully I won't need to have an EEG very often!!
I feel very positive about this apt. I was pretty much a wreck before my last MRI and I feel so much better this time. Much less fear this time. Mike and Luke are not going with me this time. Since I have to have these MRI's on such a regular basis for so many years I thought maybe some other people would like to go and be familiar with where I go. It's always nice to put a face with a name. Mom, Jamie and Janel (both girls that I work with) are going with me. It will be a long boring day for all of them but hopefully they'll be glad they went. I'll be pretty busy all day but they'll be doing a lot of sitting and waiting.
Round # 8 is coming right up. I should start treatment next Monday. It comes up so quickly.
I realized just recently that it's been 8 months now since I was diagnosed and so many of the days since then I been plagued with the thought of "how long do I have?" I'm constantly wondering if I'll see Luke go to school, play Baseball, graduate, etc, if I'll get to grow old with Mike. I think this is just all part of the process of my diagnosis but I also realized that when I'm 80 yrs. old I don't want to look back and think I spent all that time worrying about how long I have. So I'm a little lost in this current struggle but working hard at figuring out how to get passed this. Usually as these thoughts enter my mind I quickly turn them into positive thoughts of feeling so sure that this is not going to take me from my life here on this earth. I really do believe that I will be here for many, many long years. But these thoughts still don't seem to go far enough from my mind. I'm finding that it just all takes time to work through. I just have to go through all these phases and process it all at my own pace. I'm getting there it will just take time. I think Mike is getting there too. He struggles with this too. Please don't think that I'm down or depressed, I'm really doing well. This has just been the phase I'm working through right now and thought I'd share it with you.
Well I think my eyes are starting to go cross and it's now 2:15 am. I can soon go to bed. If this seems jumbled and not well written, sorry. I'm not real alert right now. I will post after my day today and let you know how the MRI and etc. looks. I may not post till Wed. We'll see how tired I am when I get home on Tuesday evening.
GOOD NIGHT! :) JESS
Right now it's 1:45 am on Tuesday morning. Today we travel to Cleveland for my routine MRI and this time an EEG. The EEG is to check for any seizure activity and for this EEG I'm not allowed to have more than 4 hours of sleep tonight and no caffeine tomorrow before the test. I figured I can't go to bed till at least 2:30 am. This is not going over well for me! I really like to sleep. I went to Meijer to get groceries after work tonight since they're open 24 hours. That helped pass some of the time, now I'm just catching up on some emails and whatever else I can do to stay awake. Hopefully I won't need to have an EEG very often!!
I feel very positive about this apt. I was pretty much a wreck before my last MRI and I feel so much better this time. Much less fear this time. Mike and Luke are not going with me this time. Since I have to have these MRI's on such a regular basis for so many years I thought maybe some other people would like to go and be familiar with where I go. It's always nice to put a face with a name. Mom, Jamie and Janel (both girls that I work with) are going with me. It will be a long boring day for all of them but hopefully they'll be glad they went. I'll be pretty busy all day but they'll be doing a lot of sitting and waiting.
Round # 8 is coming right up. I should start treatment next Monday. It comes up so quickly.
I realized just recently that it's been 8 months now since I was diagnosed and so many of the days since then I been plagued with the thought of "how long do I have?" I'm constantly wondering if I'll see Luke go to school, play Baseball, graduate, etc, if I'll get to grow old with Mike. I think this is just all part of the process of my diagnosis but I also realized that when I'm 80 yrs. old I don't want to look back and think I spent all that time worrying about how long I have. So I'm a little lost in this current struggle but working hard at figuring out how to get passed this. Usually as these thoughts enter my mind I quickly turn them into positive thoughts of feeling so sure that this is not going to take me from my life here on this earth. I really do believe that I will be here for many, many long years. But these thoughts still don't seem to go far enough from my mind. I'm finding that it just all takes time to work through. I just have to go through all these phases and process it all at my own pace. I'm getting there it will just take time. I think Mike is getting there too. He struggles with this too. Please don't think that I'm down or depressed, I'm really doing well. This has just been the phase I'm working through right now and thought I'd share it with you.
Well I think my eyes are starting to go cross and it's now 2:15 am. I can soon go to bed. If this seems jumbled and not well written, sorry. I'm not real alert right now. I will post after my day today and let you know how the MRI and etc. looks. I may not post till Wed. We'll see how tired I am when I get home on Tuesday evening.
GOOD NIGHT! :) JESS
Monday, April 7, 2008
GO MEMPHIS TIGERS!
Everything's been pretty well here. We just wanted to send out a little Good Luck to our Memphis, TN. family! How about those TIGERS!!!! Mike and I visited our family in Memphis a few years ago and when we went upstairs to pack our bags to come home we were suprised by our very own Memphis Tigers T-shirts. So we will definitely be wearing those this week supporting you here in OHIO.
GOOD LUCK!
Round #7 of treatment is supposed to start tomorrow (Monday). I will have my blood drawn tomorrow am. and should know by mid afternoon if I'm good to start! So prayers tonight for good results in the am.! I am counting on feeling great and hoping to simply enjoy the week off of work.
Our Chicago trip is rapidly approaching! Luke, Mike and I are all looking forward to a weekend away! Luke is especially looking forward to going back to the Rainforest Cafe. He was very impressed by that! This time it will be even more fun since his Grandmas are going to be there to share in the fun with him.
I'm feeling positive about my next apt. in Cleveland on April 29 & 30. I don't seem to have near the anxiety this time as I did for my previous apt. At least not yet! When I worry, I try to turn it to prayer and I usually feel peace. I'd be lying if I said the tears don't still fly at any random time. I guess that's just all part of it.
Mike has some vacation time he has to use up before April 18 so we are looking forward to spending some extra time with him! I'm sure he'll be busy around the house and in the yard but it will be nice just to know he's here! Time as a family has never been so precious to us all! One thing we've learned through this is that we're going to spend our time doing what we want. We know there are some things you just have to do (out of common courtesy,etc.) but we know now that we aren't going to waste our time with things that aren't important. Our family has been so blessed with just simple love, laughter, and happiness and I want to spend all the time I can with my boys!
Unless I write again, you can assume I will start treatment tomorrow night at bedtime! That is our hope.
GO MEMPHIS!
Love, Jess
Everything's been pretty well here. We just wanted to send out a little Good Luck to our Memphis, TN. family! How about those TIGERS!!!! Mike and I visited our family in Memphis a few years ago and when we went upstairs to pack our bags to come home we were suprised by our very own Memphis Tigers T-shirts. So we will definitely be wearing those this week supporting you here in OHIO.
GOOD LUCK!
Round #7 of treatment is supposed to start tomorrow (Monday). I will have my blood drawn tomorrow am. and should know by mid afternoon if I'm good to start! So prayers tonight for good results in the am.! I am counting on feeling great and hoping to simply enjoy the week off of work.
Our Chicago trip is rapidly approaching! Luke, Mike and I are all looking forward to a weekend away! Luke is especially looking forward to going back to the Rainforest Cafe. He was very impressed by that! This time it will be even more fun since his Grandmas are going to be there to share in the fun with him.
I'm feeling positive about my next apt. in Cleveland on April 29 & 30. I don't seem to have near the anxiety this time as I did for my previous apt. At least not yet! When I worry, I try to turn it to prayer and I usually feel peace. I'd be lying if I said the tears don't still fly at any random time. I guess that's just all part of it.
Mike has some vacation time he has to use up before April 18 so we are looking forward to spending some extra time with him! I'm sure he'll be busy around the house and in the yard but it will be nice just to know he's here! Time as a family has never been so precious to us all! One thing we've learned through this is that we're going to spend our time doing what we want. We know there are some things you just have to do (out of common courtesy,etc.) but we know now that we aren't going to waste our time with things that aren't important. Our family has been so blessed with just simple love, laughter, and happiness and I want to spend all the time I can with my boys!
Unless I write again, you can assume I will start treatment tomorrow night at bedtime! That is our hope.
GO MEMPHIS!
Love, Jess
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