So I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't sleep so here I am typing. I got word tonight that someone who has been very inspiring to me received some very difficult news. I'm not able to share with you what or who but "this news" has me restless. Can you imagine that it all comes back to cancer! Imagine that. I had no idea how much of an effect cancer had on people's lives all around me till it came down and well smacked me in the forehead. I don't know if you realize but it's now been a year since diagnosis, surgery 1, and surgery 2. My conclusion from this year is still that YEP, Cancer sucks. You know what else I've learned. It's not the fear of going to be with our God that keeps me from wanting to go from this life. It's what you leave behind. It's leaving your children, spouse, family, friends, all that. It's not being there for the people you love. You just want to be there for them. You want to be able to pack your kids' lunch, do their laundry, take care of them when they're sick. Yeah, all that you don't think you want to do now is the kind of stuff you don't want your family to have to do alone. Yes, through Tyson's journey I do know that they WILL be okay. BUT, I want to be there to make it all easier for them, to hold their hand when they need it, to wipe away their tears. You know what really irritates me even more than before is those who willingly walk away from their families for their own selfish reasons. Don't take this wrong, I'm not down in the dumps for myself tonight. I'm sad for others tonight and just know that these are some of the things that go through my mind with this diagnosis.
I realized that I have started to get back into the slump of stupid things in life. So today I woke up and thought to myself "what are the things most important to me to accomplish today?" Today my goal was to play as much as I could with Luke, tell Mike I love him (several times), and to make every client that sat in my chair feel great. I hope I continue to do this and don't fall back into the everyday slump of unimportant things.
On a MUCH brighter note, I realized that I forgot to update on Luke's preschool adventure! HE LOVES IT! I can't believe it! He totally surprised us. The day before he started he told us that he was not going followed by tears. He had a change of heart! He went the first day with absolutely no problem and said he wanted to go 100 more times! Is this our child??? We are SO proud of him! He's such a big boy! If I had any clue how to download pictures I would so you could see him dinosaur book bag and all!
That's all for tonight. I guess I needed to get some things of my chest and hopefully now maybe I can sleep.
Goodnight. When your morning comes, smile and enjoy the day!
Love,
Jess
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
One to go!
Treatment week is over and now only one more to go!
Something is weighing kind of heavy on my mind right now. Someone recently asked me how I was doing and I responded with "good." They asked me if I was all done with my surgeries and etc. and I responded with something like "yeah, I suppose for now." Then later this person said to me "well no one knows when their cancer is going to come back." This is just a hard part of this that I really don't know how to explain. I know that terrible tragedies happen to young and old people all the time. I also realize that there is always someone else out there who has it MUCH worse than myself. I do try to be very positive about my "situation," and I know that no one knows what tomorrow will bring and that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow here with their family. What I struggle with and feel as though it came across wrongly to this person was that with brain tumors they've (the Dr.'s and statistics) have always said that it's not IF the tumor will return but when. At my last apt. they told me that when the tumor begins to grow again the next step would most likely be surgery again followed by radiation. The Dr.'s also have told us from the beginning that they hoped for 2 to 3 years before the tumor returned. I do have hope that the tumor will not return and that I can be a miracle but the Dr.'s are very upfront with us and so I guess what I'm saying is I don't know how to respond to these types of situations. I AM doing very well right now. I guess I know the reality of it all is that it's probably not over yet. That doesn't mean that I have lost hope. Sometimes I question my Faith, is it not strong enough? It's all confusing to me and to Mike for that matter. We want to celebrate that I'm done with chemo but we also can't help but silently wonder is this time off chemo going to be the calm before the storm? Maybe I responded wrong to this person's questions, I just don't know what to say. If someone asks how I'm feeling it's the truth when I say I'm feeling good. It is hard for me to get past what has been told to us about brain cancer and I try not to get lost in all the statistics but sometimes I do. So I hope I didn't come across wrongly to this person, I am optimistic about it all and trying also to be prepared mentally for what could be ahead.
All that being said, we have some very good news! Mike's mom got a call from the Dr.'s that the pathology report came back and it was benign! Whoo-who!! What a relief! Today I had the privilege of walking for my Aunt who IS a breast cancer survivor at the 5k in Toledo for Breast Cancer! It was a beautiful day and I was so glad to be able to go!
Goodnight for now! It's been a long week and I'm so ready for some serious sleep!!!!
Have a great week!
Love,
Jess
By the way this blog was originally created by Janel (friend and co-worker) to keep everyone updated. I have realized that some of you who may not have known that probably thought by the top part of the description of myself that I just really think highly of myself! I did not write those very nice things about myself although I find them very sweet! :)
Something is weighing kind of heavy on my mind right now. Someone recently asked me how I was doing and I responded with "good." They asked me if I was all done with my surgeries and etc. and I responded with something like "yeah, I suppose for now." Then later this person said to me "well no one knows when their cancer is going to come back." This is just a hard part of this that I really don't know how to explain. I know that terrible tragedies happen to young and old people all the time. I also realize that there is always someone else out there who has it MUCH worse than myself. I do try to be very positive about my "situation," and I know that no one knows what tomorrow will bring and that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow here with their family. What I struggle with and feel as though it came across wrongly to this person was that with brain tumors they've (the Dr.'s and statistics) have always said that it's not IF the tumor will return but when. At my last apt. they told me that when the tumor begins to grow again the next step would most likely be surgery again followed by radiation. The Dr.'s also have told us from the beginning that they hoped for 2 to 3 years before the tumor returned. I do have hope that the tumor will not return and that I can be a miracle but the Dr.'s are very upfront with us and so I guess what I'm saying is I don't know how to respond to these types of situations. I AM doing very well right now. I guess I know the reality of it all is that it's probably not over yet. That doesn't mean that I have lost hope. Sometimes I question my Faith, is it not strong enough? It's all confusing to me and to Mike for that matter. We want to celebrate that I'm done with chemo but we also can't help but silently wonder is this time off chemo going to be the calm before the storm? Maybe I responded wrong to this person's questions, I just don't know what to say. If someone asks how I'm feeling it's the truth when I say I'm feeling good. It is hard for me to get past what has been told to us about brain cancer and I try not to get lost in all the statistics but sometimes I do. So I hope I didn't come across wrongly to this person, I am optimistic about it all and trying also to be prepared mentally for what could be ahead.
All that being said, we have some very good news! Mike's mom got a call from the Dr.'s that the pathology report came back and it was benign! Whoo-who!! What a relief! Today I had the privilege of walking for my Aunt who IS a breast cancer survivor at the 5k in Toledo for Breast Cancer! It was a beautiful day and I was so glad to be able to go!
Goodnight for now! It's been a long week and I'm so ready for some serious sleep!!!!
Have a great week!
Love,
Jess
By the way this blog was originally created by Janel (friend and co-worker) to keep everyone updated. I have realized that some of you who may not have known that probably thought by the top part of the description of myself that I just really think highly of myself! I did not write those very nice things about myself although I find them very sweet! :)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Random thoughts and updates.
We're so glad it's cooling off. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE Summer but we're ready for it to cool off. I love the change of seasons. I truly enjoy each one! I had my doctor apt. to make it official that the pneumonia is GONE! While we were there Luke had his preschool check-up. WOW. He was so good, I was so proud of him! He tends to be shy and hide behind our leg. Well not that day, he had to do a standard eye test and he was so good. It was just cute. Luke will start preschool this Thursday. We are very excited. It's not "hard" for me, it's just weird to think that he's big/old enough for this next phase of his life. I think part of why I don't think that this is sad or difficult to see him go is because like I told Mike, I'm just glad to be here to see it. I'm not in a hurry for him to grow up but I'm anxious to be here and to see him do all those "firsts!" I'm just grateful to be HERE! He seems pretty excited about it, a bit leery. Luke doesn't just jump in with both feet when it comes to something new. So the first few days could be interesting. I'll keep you updated on how it goes.
I wish that I would post more often but my mind flip flops from one thing to another and it's hard for me to organize my thoughts enough to get them down into something halfway understandable. I feel like I need to go back to the days of high school and write and outline before I start typing. Ironic, I used to hate to have to do those outlines! Everything has been going well for us. I finished round #12 just before Labor Day so only two more left. As much as I've been so anxious to be done now I'm kind of nervous about being done. At my last Dr. apt. they told us that chemo often just makes brain tumors go dormant temporarily. So now I'm thinking maybe chemo isn't that bad at least we're doing something, being proactive right?! I'm kind of feeling like okay so now we just let this thing go and run ramped and then deal with it! No. That's not cool. Yes, I know have Faith. Well to be quite honest I've always had Faith that this would not take my life but I'm human and I'm weak at times. The other thought always on my mind is that I truly did not think "this" was going to take Leslie's away from her family either. I was reading a story last night about a guy who passed away to cancer and his wife wrote about how he was so positive and felt so sure that God would not take him away from his family. So, what the heck! Is this feeling of safety and security that God will allow me to be HERE with my family just a false sense of security???? Yeah, so I've had some questions for God here lately. I have been trying to remember some of the brain tumor survivor stories I found and stay thinking that I'm going to be one of those survivors.
Right now Luke is blowing a trumpet in my face! Yes, a real trumpet! Thanks to Rick's (my mom's friend) sister Barbara! :) He loves it and just got it last night. I'm hoping the excitement wears off very soon! Thanks (I think) Barbara !!! :)
One thing about being done with treatment that I am looking forward to is starting to shed these unwanted pounds that have come along with it!!!! I'm eating better than I ever have in my life and I'm chubbier than I've ever been too! Go figure. I've really tried to be "okay" with this end of it but it wears on a girl. Trust me, I know that it's small in the big picture but it's still hard for me at times. We recently had some family pictures done and they are very nice but it's hard for me to see myself, It's like I don't even recognize myself. Especially when I look back at our family pictures from two years ago, you wouldn't even know it was the same person. So hopefully being done with treatment will allow me some more energy to be able to get back in shape!
Oh, by the way we are now in the goldfish business! Luke "won" six fish at the fair. So after they lived in a cooking bowl for a week with no food we decided that they might actually make it and bought a fish tank and food. Luke loves it. We don't. We were laughing about it the other day and we were saying how it would have been cheaper to just go buy the fish at Wal-Mart as to playing those games at the fair! Oh-well.
On a heavier note, today the Grisier family has a big day and I hope that you can add them all to your prayers. Please pray for a successful surgery that is the first step to complete recovery.
Also, someone very near and dear to us on Mike's side of our family is going to have a biopsy this next week and we are praying that we will find that this "area" is NOT cancerous. I will update with more later.
Have a great week.
Love,
Jess
I wish that I would post more often but my mind flip flops from one thing to another and it's hard for me to organize my thoughts enough to get them down into something halfway understandable. I feel like I need to go back to the days of high school and write and outline before I start typing. Ironic, I used to hate to have to do those outlines! Everything has been going well for us. I finished round #12 just before Labor Day so only two more left. As much as I've been so anxious to be done now I'm kind of nervous about being done. At my last Dr. apt. they told us that chemo often just makes brain tumors go dormant temporarily. So now I'm thinking maybe chemo isn't that bad at least we're doing something, being proactive right?! I'm kind of feeling like okay so now we just let this thing go and run ramped and then deal with it! No. That's not cool. Yes, I know have Faith. Well to be quite honest I've always had Faith that this would not take my life but I'm human and I'm weak at times. The other thought always on my mind is that I truly did not think "this" was going to take Leslie's away from her family either. I was reading a story last night about a guy who passed away to cancer and his wife wrote about how he was so positive and felt so sure that God would not take him away from his family. So, what the heck! Is this feeling of safety and security that God will allow me to be HERE with my family just a false sense of security???? Yeah, so I've had some questions for God here lately. I have been trying to remember some of the brain tumor survivor stories I found and stay thinking that I'm going to be one of those survivors.
Right now Luke is blowing a trumpet in my face! Yes, a real trumpet! Thanks to Rick's (my mom's friend) sister Barbara! :) He loves it and just got it last night. I'm hoping the excitement wears off very soon! Thanks (I think) Barbara !!! :)
One thing about being done with treatment that I am looking forward to is starting to shed these unwanted pounds that have come along with it!!!! I'm eating better than I ever have in my life and I'm chubbier than I've ever been too! Go figure. I've really tried to be "okay" with this end of it but it wears on a girl. Trust me, I know that it's small in the big picture but it's still hard for me at times. We recently had some family pictures done and they are very nice but it's hard for me to see myself, It's like I don't even recognize myself. Especially when I look back at our family pictures from two years ago, you wouldn't even know it was the same person. So hopefully being done with treatment will allow me some more energy to be able to get back in shape!
Oh, by the way we are now in the goldfish business! Luke "won" six fish at the fair. So after they lived in a cooking bowl for a week with no food we decided that they might actually make it and bought a fish tank and food. Luke loves it. We don't. We were laughing about it the other day and we were saying how it would have been cheaper to just go buy the fish at Wal-Mart as to playing those games at the fair! Oh-well.
On a heavier note, today the Grisier family has a big day and I hope that you can add them all to your prayers. Please pray for a successful surgery that is the first step to complete recovery.
Also, someone very near and dear to us on Mike's side of our family is going to have a biopsy this next week and we are praying that we will find that this "area" is NOT cancerous. I will update with more later.
Have a great week.
Love,
Jess
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Fair Time!
Well I'd say I'm over the pneumonia. I go to get a follow up x-ray tomorrow then go back to see Dr. Row next Thursday. I feel fine as far as the pneumonia goes now I'm just trying to swallow chemo (literally). Since my chemo is in a pill form I take 6 pills for my dose of chemo after I take an anti nausea pill and all my other regular meds. I get this sick feeling deep in my stomach when I raise those pills up to my mouth. There's just this rush of a feeling knowing how they will make me feel and how "toxic" they are. Luckily they are pretty well tolerated. I know it could be worse.
Usually my most draining days of treatment are Friday through Monday. This weekend I will be too busy to be tired! We have a lot planned for the weekend and next week. Tomorrow is the start of the Fulton County Fair which has been a big part of our family for many years starting with my Grandparents. Grandma of course got it all started with the horses! The last few years none of us have had horses (or cow's) there so it's just a lot of sitting around visiting with family and friends. Oh, and of course a whole lot of fair food! Saturday our morning will start out with Leslie's memorial service of which I'm really looking forward to. I must admit that at first when I found out it was going to be a while before her services I was a bit bummed. I was so anxious to see Tyson and etc. Now I'm very glad there has been this time to "take it in" and be "ready" for this. Maybe I won't be sooo emotional. I don't know about that, there's a lot of Grieser blood in us (yes, we cry at everything)! Then Saturday evening Mike and Luke are going to be having some "boy" time going to the Tough Trucks at the fair. Sunday Luke has a busy day with a Birthday party marathon. He has three Birthday parties to go to and none of us want to miss any of them. So Sunday will be busy but filled with fun and CAKE! Most likely we will then spend the remainder of next week at the fair. Mike isn't quite the fair goer that Luke and I are but it's growing on him (very slowly). We will definitely be going to the demolition derby too. Our cousin Aaron will be in it so that will be a good time too. Aaron is like another uncle to Luke, he is married to my cousin Lindsay (Cowell).
So busy days ahead! It will be fun and will go by way too fast!
I'm not real good about keeping the blog updated and realized that I forgot to mention something very important. August 11th Mike and I celebrated our 7th anniversary!
Also, August 24th marked one year since my diagnosis. That really wasn't anything to celebrate but I looked at it like, one year down and many to go.
Well take care and maybe we'll see you at the fair!
Jess
Usually my most draining days of treatment are Friday through Monday. This weekend I will be too busy to be tired! We have a lot planned for the weekend and next week. Tomorrow is the start of the Fulton County Fair which has been a big part of our family for many years starting with my Grandparents. Grandma of course got it all started with the horses! The last few years none of us have had horses (or cow's) there so it's just a lot of sitting around visiting with family and friends. Oh, and of course a whole lot of fair food! Saturday our morning will start out with Leslie's memorial service of which I'm really looking forward to. I must admit that at first when I found out it was going to be a while before her services I was a bit bummed. I was so anxious to see Tyson and etc. Now I'm very glad there has been this time to "take it in" and be "ready" for this. Maybe I won't be sooo emotional. I don't know about that, there's a lot of Grieser blood in us (yes, we cry at everything)! Then Saturday evening Mike and Luke are going to be having some "boy" time going to the Tough Trucks at the fair. Sunday Luke has a busy day with a Birthday party marathon. He has three Birthday parties to go to and none of us want to miss any of them. So Sunday will be busy but filled with fun and CAKE! Most likely we will then spend the remainder of next week at the fair. Mike isn't quite the fair goer that Luke and I are but it's growing on him (very slowly). We will definitely be going to the demolition derby too. Our cousin Aaron will be in it so that will be a good time too. Aaron is like another uncle to Luke, he is married to my cousin Lindsay (Cowell).
So busy days ahead! It will be fun and will go by way too fast!
I'm not real good about keeping the blog updated and realized that I forgot to mention something very important. August 11th Mike and I celebrated our 7th anniversary!
Also, August 24th marked one year since my diagnosis. That really wasn't anything to celebrate but I looked at it like, one year down and many to go.
Well take care and maybe we'll see you at the fair!
Jess
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Home
I'm back home! Praise the Lord I seem to just have pneumonia. I was very scared for awhile. We had went camping at the lake this past weekend. We left Thursday and stayed till Sunday afternoon. I started getting a cough Friday and didn't think much of it since Luke had just finished up with a little bug or something. By Saturday morning I was miserable. I felt like there were bricks setting on my chest. It was so hard to breathe and could hear some sort of congestive rattle when I would breathe. Then on Saturday night It seemed as though it was turning into the stomach flu. By the time Sunday morning came around I really did not want to be at the lake at all. I just wanted to be home. I felt awful. We made it home Sunday around 4 and after a nap in my recliner I took my temperature and sure enough I had a fever so I called the doctor on call and he told me to go to the ER. So I took a shower and headed up there not knowing if there was really anything they would be able to do for me but I went anyways. Shortly after I got there and they listened to my breathing and got my history (of well Cancer), they started hustling around and getting an IV started along with a few x-rays and a CT scan. They did the CT scan because they thought that I could possibly have a blood clot in my lungs. Well praise God I didn't! After a few hours, x-rays, and etc. they decided that I had pneumonia and was going to be staying a few days. I didn't see this coming in fact when I left for the ER( I drove myself) I grabbed some money so I could get an ice cream cone at McDonald's on my way home! I still want that ice cream cone!
Today Dr. Row felt it would be safe for me to return home today. He said my x-ray today looked stable and showed some improvement. He also checked with one of my Dr.'s in Cleveland and she agreed that it was safe for me to go home. She also said that more than likely I would still be able to start chemo on Monday as planned. I'm glad to be able to continue with treatment I'm just not looking forward to being cooped up in the house that much! I'm supposed to take this week off of work and get lots of rest. Then next week I don't work too much because of treatment. Don't get me wrong a break from work isn't all bad but it's nice to be making some money and if I'm going to be off work I'd like to be spending time with Mike and Luke doing fun stuff not laying on the couch. It gets so frustrating. I'm so afraid that Luke just thinks that I don't want to play with him. It's hard for me to allow him to see me down and out too much. What else can you do though?!
Tonight I'm feeling okay. Just tired with a cough and the coughing leads to a headache. I just want to hold my forehead when I cough. Looks like I'm going to spend the next few days resting, then a little work then treatment next week. Next week's treatment will be #12 so only two more after that.
After all that Leslie had just gone through I was pretty freaked out when I was in the ER seeing the Dr.'s and nurses concerned look. It really hit kind of hard for awhile. We've always been told that brain cancer isn't known to spread but It was still pretty scary for bit.
So to any clients that are reading this I have every intention of getting you back in my book shortly. As of now I'm still planning on working Saturday. I will probably start making phone calls in a day or two to get everyone from this week back in. I'm so thankful for how sweet and caring you all have been throughout this!
I really need to Thank everyone for all they have done for us! We are constantly in awe of how great people are. Thanks for the meals this week, all the cards, flowers, the visits, everything. You all are GREAT!
Love,
Jess
Today Dr. Row felt it would be safe for me to return home today. He said my x-ray today looked stable and showed some improvement. He also checked with one of my Dr.'s in Cleveland and she agreed that it was safe for me to go home. She also said that more than likely I would still be able to start chemo on Monday as planned. I'm glad to be able to continue with treatment I'm just not looking forward to being cooped up in the house that much! I'm supposed to take this week off of work and get lots of rest. Then next week I don't work too much because of treatment. Don't get me wrong a break from work isn't all bad but it's nice to be making some money and if I'm going to be off work I'd like to be spending time with Mike and Luke doing fun stuff not laying on the couch. It gets so frustrating. I'm so afraid that Luke just thinks that I don't want to play with him. It's hard for me to allow him to see me down and out too much. What else can you do though?!
Tonight I'm feeling okay. Just tired with a cough and the coughing leads to a headache. I just want to hold my forehead when I cough. Looks like I'm going to spend the next few days resting, then a little work then treatment next week. Next week's treatment will be #12 so only two more after that.
After all that Leslie had just gone through I was pretty freaked out when I was in the ER seeing the Dr.'s and nurses concerned look. It really hit kind of hard for awhile. We've always been told that brain cancer isn't known to spread but It was still pretty scary for bit.
So to any clients that are reading this I have every intention of getting you back in my book shortly. As of now I'm still planning on working Saturday. I will probably start making phone calls in a day or two to get everyone from this week back in. I'm so thankful for how sweet and caring you all have been throughout this!
I really need to Thank everyone for all they have done for us! We are constantly in awe of how great people are. Thanks for the meals this week, all the cards, flowers, the visits, everything. You all are GREAT!
Love,
Jess
Monday, August 18, 2008
Pneumonia
Please pray for Jessie- she was admitted in the Archbold Hospital Sunday night with pneumonia. She was having a difficult time breathing so Mike took her to the emergency room. Her immune system is down because of chemo treatments and she is easily susceptible to illnesses. For now she is resting and they are hoping for her to come home sometime Tuesday.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sweet Leslie.
As some of you may know Leslie went to be with Jesus last night. She will suffer no more. To read the beautiful words of her very wise husband Tyson click on her blog http://www.forleslie.blogspot.com/ . I am completely amazed at his strength and the peace he seems to have. They have been a great testimony for myself and Mike.
I on the other hand am finding myself pretty weak. I don't have a lot of words right now I just know how much I will miss her friendship. I couldn't help but cry all night and all day. I guess for me I really didn't believe this was going to happen. I don't know if I was choosing not to or what.
My heart goes out to Tyson, TJ, and all of their family and friends.
Tyson, Please know I am sending my love to you and TJ right now. I really look forward to the day that I can hug you both. I hope that day will come very soon.
All my love,
Jess
I on the other hand am finding myself pretty weak. I don't have a lot of words right now I just know how much I will miss her friendship. I couldn't help but cry all night and all day. I guess for me I really didn't believe this was going to happen. I don't know if I was choosing not to or what.
My heart goes out to Tyson, TJ, and all of their family and friends.
Tyson, Please know I am sending my love to you and TJ right now. I really look forward to the day that I can hug you both. I hope that day will come very soon.
All my love,
Jess
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