No News is Good News....promise.

Sorry....blogging just isn't on my mind....like ever. I'm sorry for those of you that this your way of staying updated on how I am doing. Fortunately I've been fantastic and I am living a normal (whatever that is) life! It sometimes seems as though all that we went through (which has just passed 4 years!!!) was forever ago or not even real?! I think that's great. I wouldn't wish it all on anyone but have truly been blessed by it all. None the less I'm glad it seems like my past and not my life now.

Anyways....I was to Cleveland mid August for my routine 3 month MRI and oncologist appointment and if I was technology savvy at all I would post the picture Mike took of my oncologist and I together. She's awesome. God gave us good news again in August. Stable....the world we've come to love.....again. Going at least every 3 months for the last 4 years we LOVE the word stable! My goal for my August appointment was not only for a stable report but also to express to my oncologist that these appointments were wearing on me...... had a rough few months.....lost a few great people to this disgusting disease.....watched a family that I adore lose a husband/father.......had a "suspicious" possible cancerous spot in my mouth removed with oral surgery (which seems to be fine).....just sick of sad crap to say the least. My oncologist has said from the beginning that she would consider letting me go 6 months between appointments after my MRI's had been stable for 5 years. Let me just remind you how awesome our God is......surgeon (top in the world) and oncologist all hoped I would go 2 to 3 years before needing surgery again.....so....yep....God is real good 4 years later. Anyway...I told her these things and she thought quietly for awhile and said, "Sure, I feel comfortable with not seeing you till after the first of the year!" Music to our ears! That was BIG, like GIGANTIC, like as big as the OCEAN! So I guess I've been on "leave" and LOVING it! Maybe that's why this whole cancer thing doesn't seem like my life anymore since this is the longest break I"ve had from it....I don't know and don't care. It's grand anyway. Maybe that's why I've not blogged.....I've been enjoying my "leave." Never the less I got the dreaded appointment letter in the mail about a month ago and yes it feels like there's an ugly dark cloud lingering again. It's folded up as small and discretely as possible...hoping maybe I can forget about it somewhat as long as possible. Yes....maybe avoidance is how I deal but oh well. I go back January 11....I think. I honestly don't remember right now. I feel great....I've enjoyed this break.

We're doing great as a family as well. Mike is happy as ever because it's hunting season.....gag. Luke is loving the first grade and doing great! We stay plenty busy and really we're enjoying it all.

Heart break and sadness seems to be everywhere.......I have a dear friend who has been dealing with great pain in a different way for a few years now and now another friend who is dear to us was recently diagnosed with cancer too. I go back to a song that seemed to bring me peace when this was all new to us......http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNeOmrq37MI&feature=related...... By the way this is a FIRST.....never have attempted to post a link....let's see if I actually did it right! :) Hope so.....hope you get to enjoy.

Until next time,
Jess

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The gift ....

Today was my regular Cleveland trip. I felt pretty good about it but as always struggle to fight off any anxiety or negative feelings. Usually I succeed in doing so but .......it's hard. I'm beating the odds right now and I'm extremely grateful for that! All those "numbers......years still it returns, years to live.....etc.," are kind of haunting (even though I've much surpassed them) so it's a daily struggle sometimes in my Faith. I learn more and more everyday about my Faith and in return my Faith grows a little more everyday. I'm feeling more and more this "push" to share "my story."??? I don't know how or where but I know I'm supposed to Glorify God through this. I just need to figure out how. I've always been a "believer" but this journey has definitely brought me closer to God and I express that much more openly than I could have ever imagined myself doing so. Interesting.

Sooo.......on to the good news! My Oncologist walked in to the room and instantly said, "You're scans are beautiful!" Wow....what a relief. Yes....this is always what I expect and hope for but....... there is so much "bad" going on all around and I'm not "supposed" to be doing so well (according to the statistics) so when I hear those words it's a HUGE, I mean HUGE relief. Yes, I am weak, very weak in that moment when the Dr. walks in.

I cannot Thank all my friends and family enough. I am surrounded by amazing people. You all lift me up and help me keep my chin up when sometimes.........well.....sometimes it's hard. In my weakness there's a lot of tears, a lot of crying while the boys sleep. This disease carries a negative feeling, thoughts, etc. So THANK YOU for being there. I am so grateful. I need you all.

I need Mike too. Like I've never needed him before. As you all know.....Luke is the absolute JOY of my life but Mike I love him and I don't give him the credit he deserves. I was young when we got married and when we read our vows, I was like yeah, yeah just marry us already! Now when I go to a wedding the vows are my favorite part. They mean so much more to me now. For better or for worse (he definitely has the "worse" version now), in sickness and in health........well yeah you know he totally has that one covered! He has been awesome. Totally awesome. There were times in my chemo days where I couldn't lift my drink to my mouth....but Mike did. There are times where I am mad at the world and he knows why and doesn't get mad, he's just kind and patient. There are times where nothing makes me happy or everything makes me angry and he knows why without having to say a word. He's awesome. I need him.

I need God, I need Mike, I need Luke, I need all my friends and family. THANKS for letting me need you.

Life is a gift.

I cannot wait to see the sun shine soon!

Love,
Jess

The Latest and the GREATEST

I'm going to make this as short and sweet as possible because quite frankly....I'm exhausted! I didn't update after my last appointment a month ago because it was not a good appointment. The oncologist saw some inflammation on my MRI around the area in which my tumor had been removed suggesting signs of tumor regrowth possibly. So basically to protect Luke we chose not to be very public about this. We really didn't know much and didn't want him to worry. They scheduled me to come back in a month so they would be able to tell if the MRI showed aggressive changes or slow changes in a month's time. They discussed what I would most likely be doing for treatment and it was more than likely going to be radiation. Well.......with much prayer I received GREAT news today. The MRI was stable with possibly slight improvement from last month! That my friends is a real life MIRACLE. I don't know how to express how thankful we are. GOD is GOOD.

With that.....Goodnight and GOD BLESS

Love,
Jess