Today I went to work! It may not sound like a big deal but last time there was no way I could have went to work on day 1 of treatment! I only worked 5 hrs but I did it and I feel pretty decent. Just more tired and if I didn't know better I'd think I was coming down with something. Fighting a little dizziness here and there but not bad! Of course the dizziness goes away when I eat! ugh......!!!! So THANK YOU for your prayers! I feel them and God hears them! Praying I continue to feel well! Just wanted to send a quick update!
With much love and a very grateful heart,
Jess
Monday, February 22, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Today was the day...
Today had many ups and downs and I'm having trouble focusing long enough to write this. This is kind of how my day went....Luke and Mike stayed home from church because Luke had a low grade fever and has a nasty cough so I was solo today at church which is fine. Very rarely do I not get to have my favorite boys there but I love our church so it's no big deal. I had a cool little opportunity today at church. That little opportunity was nothing to most people but to me, it was a great little outlet for me to share a few little things. Speaking of outlets, I've found that writing on here is a great outlet! That little opportunity left me feeling so "charged!" I had imagined how I'd come home and take naps with the boys but I was too fired up! I did however lay down for awhile and The Proposal was on TV......ahhh.... it was theee perfect Sunday afternoon cry I needed! So I cried like a baby while the boys slept....it was much needed and was sooo good. I needed that "release." Like a Pastor once shared many years ago, a cry isn't a bad thing every once in awhile. It sort of hits your "reset" button. Which I find to be very true.
So this evening I finally started my chemo. I have to fast for a total of three hours with it so I took it about an hour ago and I'm definitely feeling "off." I feel a little dizzy and just not quite right. So this won't be long, because I need to go sleep it off soon before I do get sick. I can't even really wrap my head around how I feel about taking it...... It just sort of feels like a whirlwind. Is this for real? I wish not. I don't know why God is allowing this but I do know that I trust Him. I really don't even question "why." I do believe there is a purpose, He doesn't just fly by the seat of his pants. There's always purpose. What His purpose is, I don't know. I may never know. I'm ok with that. I trust Him. What I do know is this...... He want's me. He want's me to surrender everything. What He has for me is better than anything I could ever even dream of. Have I already surrendered? I surrender to him daily, dyeing to self daily. I don't know what my life would look like had I not surrendered to him 8/9 years ago.......but I'm so glad I did. As I write this I can hear Mike's phone playing Sinking Deep while he showers. I know this......that man is a changed man. Pretty sure I would have heard some sort of heavy metal before. I don't know who else God is going to reach through this but there is someone else that He's waiting for.
I talked with Luke yesterday and explained that I may feel kind of like I have the flu tomorrow and not sure how long it will last but I may not too. He was fine with it, he really seems to be doing so well so THANK YOU to each and everyone of you that have been praying for protection for him!
The longer I try to write, the fuzzier things get so that's all for tonight.
The journey continues but so does yours.
Love,
Jess
So this evening I finally started my chemo. I have to fast for a total of three hours with it so I took it about an hour ago and I'm definitely feeling "off." I feel a little dizzy and just not quite right. So this won't be long, because I need to go sleep it off soon before I do get sick. I can't even really wrap my head around how I feel about taking it...... It just sort of feels like a whirlwind. Is this for real? I wish not. I don't know why God is allowing this but I do know that I trust Him. I really don't even question "why." I do believe there is a purpose, He doesn't just fly by the seat of his pants. There's always purpose. What His purpose is, I don't know. I may never know. I'm ok with that. I trust Him. What I do know is this...... He want's me. He want's me to surrender everything. What He has for me is better than anything I could ever even dream of. Have I already surrendered? I surrender to him daily, dyeing to self daily. I don't know what my life would look like had I not surrendered to him 8/9 years ago.......but I'm so glad I did. As I write this I can hear Mike's phone playing Sinking Deep while he showers. I know this......that man is a changed man. Pretty sure I would have heard some sort of heavy metal before. I don't know who else God is going to reach through this but there is someone else that He's waiting for.
I talked with Luke yesterday and explained that I may feel kind of like I have the flu tomorrow and not sure how long it will last but I may not too. He was fine with it, he really seems to be doing so well so THANK YOU to each and everyone of you that have been praying for protection for him!
The longer I try to write, the fuzzier things get so that's all for tonight.
The journey continues but so does yours.
Love,
Jess
Sunday, February 14, 2016
P.S.
What does P.S. even mean?
I wanted to add so much more to the last post but one thing that people continue to ask me is if I deleted them on facebook. No, I did not delete anyone. I took a break from facebook. It started out early January as part of a corporate fast that we are encouraged to participate in at church. So after the 21 days were up I just felt like I wasn't ready to go back on. I don't miss it at all other than knowing when people's birthdays are! I'm just at a place in my life where it has become a distraction to me, distracting me from my family, my friends, and mostly God's word. So for this season of my life I'm not on facebook. I'm sure I'll be back but I'm just not quite ready. You all are still my sweet friends.
Love,
Jess
What does P.S. even mean?
I wanted to add so much more to the last post but one thing that people continue to ask me is if I deleted them on facebook. No, I did not delete anyone. I took a break from facebook. It started out early January as part of a corporate fast that we are encouraged to participate in at church. So after the 21 days were up I just felt like I wasn't ready to go back on. I don't miss it at all other than knowing when people's birthdays are! I'm just at a place in my life where it has become a distraction to me, distracting me from my family, my friends, and mostly God's word. So for this season of my life I'm not on facebook. I'm sure I'll be back but I'm just not quite ready. You all are still my sweet friends.
Love,
Jess
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Technology bites
Soooooo......after MANY hours of trying to figure out how to log back onto this blog I FINALLY got it!! I'm so sorry for the delay. The blog is so nice because everyone can know the real story and have the accurate information.
I'll start at the beginning.
First off, I have been feeling great. No symptoms what's so ever! What the heck?! We went to Cleveland on January 20 for a routine check up which always includes an MRI. That is when they told us that there was some new but minimal growth around the tumor area. They had a pretty in depth conversation with us on what to do next. Our possible options were, wait another few months and possibly have the same discussion on; when do we decided to do something to treat it, more surgery which I absolutely did not want but again would do if that's what they really felt I should, or Radiation which has never been something they wanted to do unless they had to but they were considering it now. I'm not going to lie, it was a long ride home that day. Mike's wrong turns didn't help! ;) You just never go there expecting that news. That was a Wednesday, Thursday the tumor board meets and discusses all current cases which now included mine. They said they would take the results of my MRI to the tumor board on Thursday and get back to me Friday. Friday came and went and we didn't hear anything....... Saturday about 6:00 my Dr. called and apologized up and down that they weren't able to call sooner. (I love Cleveland Clinic) He told me that the general consensus at the meeting was for me to do Chemotherapy again. Which was not something that had been presented to us as an option and I felt like this was a huge answer to prayer! I did it for 14 months about 8 years ago, right after my first surgery. My surgeon Dr. Barnett that performed both of my surgeries was the biggest supporter of me doing chemo again. He felt that the tumor responded very well to it in the past and that due to my age (radiant youth) and health (chubby but oddly healthy) that we should go that route again as it would be the least invasive as compared to radiation or surgery. Cleveland has always been about "quality of life" not quantity. Which we would agree with too. Obviously we pray for me to be around for many more years to see all that God has for us, but I'm also so thankful that they care about how I'll feel and not just counting how old they can get me to. So after that conversation on that Saturday evening we knew that chemo would be next for me.
Nobody felt any sense of urgency for me to get started, which was nice! So on February 9th we returned to Cleveland to determine what type of chemo I would be doing. I met with a new oncologist for this appointment because my previous oncologist was a pediatric oncologist. At the time I was first diagnosed I saw her because they didn't know if this was something I had for awhile or if it was new. (I was 26 when first diagnosed for those of you that are new to the blog) I met with Dr. Peereboom, we LOVED him! Didn't care for the practitioner that first came in but I quickly got over it when we met Dr. Peereboom. We established that we both loved Jesus right away which is so amazing when you're doctoring.....so awesome to have someone with similar beliefs! When we left for Cleveland on the 9th we assumed that this would be a quick trip, no MRI etc.......Hello....we were soooo wrong and I was so annoyed. I just kept thinking tell me what I have to do so we can GO! Ahhhhh, we saw 4 or 5 professionals that day...each o n e one at a t i m e. I'm clearly not the most patient person and I was getting so very annoyed, gosh I'm feeling it all over again! So back to the story.... He decided that it would be best for me to do the same chemo I did before. Which is pills! Praise The Lord, I don't have to leave home for chemo! This time I will take the chemo pills for 3 weeks then have one week off. In the past I took them for 5 days then took 28 days off. I will be doing half the dose of what I did the last time but for a longer period so they are hopeful that I will feel decent. He also said that he predicted that I would do this schedule of treatment for 12-18 months. I'm hoping and praying for a whole lot less than that, so that's where I'm asking for your prayers! I don't have fun memories at all from the last time I did chemo but I hope this time will be different on the lower dose. We are also doing some alternative treatment with oils and diet. Nothing too strict.....you all know me. Ha! Mostly limiting sugar intake because it's a proven fact that cancer feeds off sugar. I can promise you this though however, we WILL be having our nightly ice cream! I will just have to have even smaller bowls ;( Trying to eliminate most all other sugars except natural sugars.
My chemo was supposed to arrive via mail the end of this past week but they called me yesterday to update me that my insurance had delayed the process a bit. Sounds like I should have it early next week but either way I plan to start on a Sunday evening to keep the weeks straight etc. They have me fast for 2 hours before I take it and 1 hour after I take it so that's why it works best for me to take it at night. I'll take my anti-nausea pills 1 hour into my fast. Then hopefully I sleep through a lot of the sickness. The last time I did chemo the worst side affect was just being really week and tired. I will quite possibly cut my hours back at work or just shorten my days somehow but we are just sort of waiting it out because we are really hopeful that I'll feel good! Since my chemo did not come this week like planned I was once again very annoyed! We had made plans for Luke to go to a friend's house Sunday night so if I didn't feel well he wouldn't be home and I could cry and feel sorry for myself for awhile and Mike was going to take the day off work and I had shortened my evening at work but now that's all postponed a week. As much as I don't want to do this chemo again, I was just mentally ready to start. So yeah, I'm mad but it is what it is.
As for Luke.... he's still pretty awesome! Honestly he is doing very well with it all. We have told him what he needs to know and also have let him know that we will not tell anyone what is going on till we have told him so if someone approaches him at school and says ," hey, I heard your mom is having brain surgery?" He will know thats not true and slap them up! (kidding....mostly) It's different for Luke because it's all he's ever known. I was diagnosed right after his 3rd birthday so I don't think he remembers life before cancer. Which truly is probably a blessing. Once again though we most definitely ask for a prayer of protection for him.
And for Mike....I bet he would want me to say he's still awesome! ha! Okay..he's still awesome. He's pretty good but I think it's almost harder on him at times because he doesn't ever want to upset me with his emotions and quite honestly I'm good with that! He has that natural man thing.....fix it...make her better. So I ask for prayer of peace and guidance for him as well.
I realize these pictures on the blog need updated and most of the information does too but honestly, I'm going to pretend that Luke is still that little sweet boy and shoot.....I was a heck of a lot thinner too so as far as I'm concerned we look the same! ha ha!
Spiritually, we are so good. I feel such an AMAZING peace that can only come from God. God has been SO GOOD to us we have absolutely no doubt that he wouldn't continue to be! God continues to push us to go farther everyday and as reluctant to change as I tend to be.....I'm welcoming it and loving it! He's up to some big things for us and it's pretty cool when you turn your life over to Him and just surrender! (yeah me, surrendering! ha...this is crazy stuff)
I know this post has probably been all over the place and I'm so random but it's how it came out, what can I say?! Hope this has helped everyone have a better understanding of what's happening. Thank you for ALL of your love and prayers! We cannot even come up with words to express what it means to us!
Until the next time I figure how to log on...
Love,
Jess
I'll start at the beginning.
First off, I have been feeling great. No symptoms what's so ever! What the heck?! We went to Cleveland on January 20 for a routine check up which always includes an MRI. That is when they told us that there was some new but minimal growth around the tumor area. They had a pretty in depth conversation with us on what to do next. Our possible options were, wait another few months and possibly have the same discussion on; when do we decided to do something to treat it, more surgery which I absolutely did not want but again would do if that's what they really felt I should, or Radiation which has never been something they wanted to do unless they had to but they were considering it now. I'm not going to lie, it was a long ride home that day. Mike's wrong turns didn't help! ;) You just never go there expecting that news. That was a Wednesday, Thursday the tumor board meets and discusses all current cases which now included mine. They said they would take the results of my MRI to the tumor board on Thursday and get back to me Friday. Friday came and went and we didn't hear anything....... Saturday about 6:00 my Dr. called and apologized up and down that they weren't able to call sooner. (I love Cleveland Clinic) He told me that the general consensus at the meeting was for me to do Chemotherapy again. Which was not something that had been presented to us as an option and I felt like this was a huge answer to prayer! I did it for 14 months about 8 years ago, right after my first surgery. My surgeon Dr. Barnett that performed both of my surgeries was the biggest supporter of me doing chemo again. He felt that the tumor responded very well to it in the past and that due to my age (radiant youth) and health (chubby but oddly healthy) that we should go that route again as it would be the least invasive as compared to radiation or surgery. Cleveland has always been about "quality of life" not quantity. Which we would agree with too. Obviously we pray for me to be around for many more years to see all that God has for us, but I'm also so thankful that they care about how I'll feel and not just counting how old they can get me to. So after that conversation on that Saturday evening we knew that chemo would be next for me.
Nobody felt any sense of urgency for me to get started, which was nice! So on February 9th we returned to Cleveland to determine what type of chemo I would be doing. I met with a new oncologist for this appointment because my previous oncologist was a pediatric oncologist. At the time I was first diagnosed I saw her because they didn't know if this was something I had for awhile or if it was new. (I was 26 when first diagnosed for those of you that are new to the blog) I met with Dr. Peereboom, we LOVED him! Didn't care for the practitioner that first came in but I quickly got over it when we met Dr. Peereboom. We established that we both loved Jesus right away which is so amazing when you're doctoring.....so awesome to have someone with similar beliefs! When we left for Cleveland on the 9th we assumed that this would be a quick trip, no MRI etc.......Hello....we were soooo wrong and I was so annoyed. I just kept thinking tell me what I have to do so we can GO! Ahhhhh, we saw 4 or 5 professionals that day...each o n e one at a t i m e. I'm clearly not the most patient person and I was getting so very annoyed, gosh I'm feeling it all over again! So back to the story.... He decided that it would be best for me to do the same chemo I did before. Which is pills! Praise The Lord, I don't have to leave home for chemo! This time I will take the chemo pills for 3 weeks then have one week off. In the past I took them for 5 days then took 28 days off. I will be doing half the dose of what I did the last time but for a longer period so they are hopeful that I will feel decent. He also said that he predicted that I would do this schedule of treatment for 12-18 months. I'm hoping and praying for a whole lot less than that, so that's where I'm asking for your prayers! I don't have fun memories at all from the last time I did chemo but I hope this time will be different on the lower dose. We are also doing some alternative treatment with oils and diet. Nothing too strict.....you all know me. Ha! Mostly limiting sugar intake because it's a proven fact that cancer feeds off sugar. I can promise you this though however, we WILL be having our nightly ice cream! I will just have to have even smaller bowls ;( Trying to eliminate most all other sugars except natural sugars.
My chemo was supposed to arrive via mail the end of this past week but they called me yesterday to update me that my insurance had delayed the process a bit. Sounds like I should have it early next week but either way I plan to start on a Sunday evening to keep the weeks straight etc. They have me fast for 2 hours before I take it and 1 hour after I take it so that's why it works best for me to take it at night. I'll take my anti-nausea pills 1 hour into my fast. Then hopefully I sleep through a lot of the sickness. The last time I did chemo the worst side affect was just being really week and tired. I will quite possibly cut my hours back at work or just shorten my days somehow but we are just sort of waiting it out because we are really hopeful that I'll feel good! Since my chemo did not come this week like planned I was once again very annoyed! We had made plans for Luke to go to a friend's house Sunday night so if I didn't feel well he wouldn't be home and I could cry and feel sorry for myself for awhile and Mike was going to take the day off work and I had shortened my evening at work but now that's all postponed a week. As much as I don't want to do this chemo again, I was just mentally ready to start. So yeah, I'm mad but it is what it is.
As for Luke.... he's still pretty awesome! Honestly he is doing very well with it all. We have told him what he needs to know and also have let him know that we will not tell anyone what is going on till we have told him so if someone approaches him at school and says ," hey, I heard your mom is having brain surgery?" He will know thats not true and slap them up! (kidding....mostly) It's different for Luke because it's all he's ever known. I was diagnosed right after his 3rd birthday so I don't think he remembers life before cancer. Which truly is probably a blessing. Once again though we most definitely ask for a prayer of protection for him.
And for Mike....I bet he would want me to say he's still awesome! ha! Okay..he's still awesome. He's pretty good but I think it's almost harder on him at times because he doesn't ever want to upset me with his emotions and quite honestly I'm good with that! He has that natural man thing.....fix it...make her better. So I ask for prayer of peace and guidance for him as well.
I realize these pictures on the blog need updated and most of the information does too but honestly, I'm going to pretend that Luke is still that little sweet boy and shoot.....I was a heck of a lot thinner too so as far as I'm concerned we look the same! ha ha!
Spiritually, we are so good. I feel such an AMAZING peace that can only come from God. God has been SO GOOD to us we have absolutely no doubt that he wouldn't continue to be! God continues to push us to go farther everyday and as reluctant to change as I tend to be.....I'm welcoming it and loving it! He's up to some big things for us and it's pretty cool when you turn your life over to Him and just surrender! (yeah me, surrendering! ha...this is crazy stuff)
I know this post has probably been all over the place and I'm so random but it's how it came out, what can I say?! Hope this has helped everyone have a better understanding of what's happening. Thank you for ALL of your love and prayers! We cannot even come up with words to express what it means to us!
Until the next time I figure how to log on...
Love,
Jess
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