The gift ....

Today was my regular Cleveland trip. I felt pretty good about it but as always struggle to fight off any anxiety or negative feelings. Usually I succeed in doing so but .......it's hard. I'm beating the odds right now and I'm extremely grateful for that! All those "numbers......years still it returns, years to live.....etc.," are kind of haunting (even though I've much surpassed them) so it's a daily struggle sometimes in my Faith. I learn more and more everyday about my Faith and in return my Faith grows a little more everyday. I'm feeling more and more this "push" to share "my story."??? I don't know how or where but I know I'm supposed to Glorify God through this. I just need to figure out how. I've always been a "believer" but this journey has definitely brought me closer to God and I express that much more openly than I could have ever imagined myself doing so. Interesting.

Sooo.......on to the good news! My Oncologist walked in to the room and instantly said, "You're scans are beautiful!" Wow....what a relief. Yes....this is always what I expect and hope for but....... there is so much "bad" going on all around and I'm not "supposed" to be doing so well (according to the statistics) so when I hear those words it's a HUGE, I mean HUGE relief. Yes, I am weak, very weak in that moment when the Dr. walks in.

I cannot Thank all my friends and family enough. I am surrounded by amazing people. You all lift me up and help me keep my chin up when sometimes.........well.....sometimes it's hard. In my weakness there's a lot of tears, a lot of crying while the boys sleep. This disease carries a negative feeling, thoughts, etc. So THANK YOU for being there. I am so grateful. I need you all.

I need Mike too. Like I've never needed him before. As you all know.....Luke is the absolute JOY of my life but Mike I love him and I don't give him the credit he deserves. I was young when we got married and when we read our vows, I was like yeah, yeah just marry us already! Now when I go to a wedding the vows are my favorite part. They mean so much more to me now. For better or for worse (he definitely has the "worse" version now), in sickness and in health........well yeah you know he totally has that one covered! He has been awesome. Totally awesome. There were times in my chemo days where I couldn't lift my drink to my mouth....but Mike did. There are times where I am mad at the world and he knows why and doesn't get mad, he's just kind and patient. There are times where nothing makes me happy or everything makes me angry and he knows why without having to say a word. He's awesome. I need him.

I need God, I need Mike, I need Luke, I need all my friends and family. THANKS for letting me need you.

Life is a gift.

I cannot wait to see the sun shine soon!

Love,
Jess