Today was the day...

Today had many ups and downs and I'm having trouble focusing long enough to write this.  This is kind of how my day went....Luke and Mike stayed home from church because Luke had a low grade fever and has a nasty cough so I was solo today at church which is fine.  Very rarely do I not get to have my favorite boys there but I love our church so it's no big deal.  I had a cool little opportunity today at church. That little opportunity was nothing to most people but to me, it was a great little outlet for me to share a few little things. Speaking of outlets, I've found that writing on here is a great outlet!  That little opportunity left me feeling so "charged!" I had imagined how I'd come home and take naps with the boys but I was too fired up! I did  however lay down for awhile and The Proposal was on TV......ahhh.... it was theee perfect Sunday afternoon cry I needed! So I cried like a baby while the boys slept....it was much needed and was sooo good.  I needed that "release." Like a Pastor once shared many years ago, a cry isn't a bad thing every once in awhile. It sort of hits your "reset" button. Which I find to be very true.

So this evening I finally started my chemo. I have to fast for a total of three hours with it so I took it about an hour ago and I'm definitely feeling "off." I feel a little dizzy and just not quite right. So this won't be long, because I need to go sleep it off soon before I do get sick.  I can't even really wrap my head around how I feel about taking it...... It just sort of feels like a whirlwind.  Is this for real? I wish not.  I don't know why God is allowing this but I do know that I trust Him.  I really don't even question "why." I do believe there is a purpose, He doesn't just fly by the seat of his pants.  There's always purpose. What His purpose is, I don't know.  I may never know. I'm ok with that. I trust Him.  What I do know is this...... He want's me.  He want's me to surrender everything. What He has for me is better than anything I could ever even dream of.  Have I already surrendered? I surrender to him daily, dyeing to self daily. I don't know what my life would look like had I not surrendered to him 8/9 years ago.......but I'm so glad I did. As I write this I can hear Mike's phone playing Sinking Deep while he showers.  I know this......that man is a changed man.  Pretty sure I would have heard some sort of heavy metal before.  I don't know who else God is going to reach through this but there is someone else that He's waiting for.

I talked with Luke yesterday and explained that I may feel kind of like I have the flu tomorrow and not sure how long it will last but I may not too.  He was fine with it, he really seems to be doing so well so THANK YOU to each and everyone of you that have been praying for protection for him!

The longer I try to write, the fuzzier things get so that's all for tonight.

The journey continues but so does yours.

Love,
Jess