Not too much new to report. I'm feeling very well. In fact I realized today that it seems like I'm riding along on cruise control. Things are going well. Chemo has become a part of life and I seem to be fairly used to it and know a bit more of what to expect. We're just counting down the rounds one at a time. One year of treatment will be complete by mid September. When I started they told me I would do it for at least a year but no longer than 18 months. So my prayers are begging to be done in September. In the meantime I've realized to appreciate the health I have right now and that most of my days are good. I'm living a fairly normal life and I can play with Luke just like before all this was a part of our life. So things are good for us.
There's a song that plays over and over in my head and it has seemed to help me find peace. I can't tell you who wrote it but it goes like this, "I'm not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned............" It's helped me to let go of the "WHY." I don't get it. I don't know if I will ever understand but I've realized we don't have to get it we just have to trust in God. Letting go of why is hard, and I still fight it but I'm getting closer.
Take care,
Jessie
P.S. I was a Grey's Anatomy fan but currently it's rotten! Those of you who are watching will know why!!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
FRUSTRATION
Tonight will be the last night for round #8 that I will take chemo but the effect usually lasts through early next week. This treatment has been tolerable. I've had some stomach pain and nausea but has been better than some prior treatments. The most annoying part is the ridiculous fatigue. Chemo stinks.
Last night we received news that Leslie's cancer has spread now to her lungs. I don't know many of the details but apparently it's in the lining of her lungs. I have never met Leslie in person but she has become someone very special to me. She in one of the few people who could really relate to what I am going through and encourage me and I hope I've been able to do the same for her. Leslie has been very ill for a very long time now. I'm crushed by this news but I can only imagine how heartbreaking this is for her husband Tyson and little TJ. I'm asking for you to pray for miraculous healing and that she will be well and with her boys soon. To follow her journey and get updates you can go to www.forleslie.blogspot.com
That's all for today. I'm at a loss for words.
Love, Jessie
Last night we received news that Leslie's cancer has spread now to her lungs. I don't know many of the details but apparently it's in the lining of her lungs. I have never met Leslie in person but she has become someone very special to me. She in one of the few people who could really relate to what I am going through and encourage me and I hope I've been able to do the same for her. Leslie has been very ill for a very long time now. I'm crushed by this news but I can only imagine how heartbreaking this is for her husband Tyson and little TJ. I'm asking for you to pray for miraculous healing and that she will be well and with her boys soon. To follow her journey and get updates you can go to www.forleslie.blogspot.com
That's all for today. I'm at a loss for words.
Love, Jessie
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
GOOD REPORT!
We're back from Cleveland with a good report. I didn't have to spend the night which was nice. They ended up fitting all my apt.'s into one day. First apt. today was my MRI which is always the never racking one. As the machine beeps and shakes I lay there with my eyes closed praying that God will show the Dr.'s his miraculous healing. Next was my oncologist apt. in which my MRI was read and as we had prayed and hoped for a good report. I didn't see my usual oncologist so this one wasn't as familiar with my last scan to compare it with this one. He did say though that there was definitely NO growth. He said one could argue if it the "white area" (which we want to disappear) was smaller. This is good. He also said that this "area" could possibly even be scarring from surgery. I definitely felt as though this scan showed improvement in comparison to the last scan. Hopefully I will talk tomorrow with my regular oncologist to she what she thinks. My last apt. was my EEG. Apparently my oncologist wants to see if my seizure meds could be cut back and possibly go off of them in time. I would love that. I don't like having to take all these pills not to mention the cost of so many monthly meds. Even with good insurance co-pays add up quickly. I won't know the results of the EEG till possibly Wed. or so. They shouldn't be much to worry about. I'll will still pray for good results.
All in all it was a good visit. Mom, Jamie and Janel all went with me. We stopped to do a little quick shopping on the way home. It was a good day.
Thanks for all your prayers and concern.
Love, Jess and family.
All in all it was a good visit. Mom, Jamie and Janel all went with me. We stopped to do a little quick shopping on the way home. It was a good day.
Thanks for all your prayers and concern.
Love, Jess and family.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
BACK FROM CHICAGO
We traveled to Chicago this past weekend for the 5k to raise money for the American Brain Tumor Association. We had a great time. We had over 50 people on our team and our team raised nearly $14,000!!! It was cool to see so many people come out to support us! Mike, Luke and I had so much fun! We needed to get away. With all that's going on we're just so busy and don't get much time to do fun stuff. Luke was so fun. He's such a good traveler. He didn't care what we did as long as he was able to swim in the pool (the very cold pool) every day! Thank you to everyone who supported this cause and who went along and participated!
Right now it's 1:45 am on Tuesday morning. Today we travel to Cleveland for my routine MRI and this time an EEG. The EEG is to check for any seizure activity and for this EEG I'm not allowed to have more than 4 hours of sleep tonight and no caffeine tomorrow before the test. I figured I can't go to bed till at least 2:30 am. This is not going over well for me! I really like to sleep. I went to Meijer to get groceries after work tonight since they're open 24 hours. That helped pass some of the time, now I'm just catching up on some emails and whatever else I can do to stay awake. Hopefully I won't need to have an EEG very often!!
I feel very positive about this apt. I was pretty much a wreck before my last MRI and I feel so much better this time. Much less fear this time. Mike and Luke are not going with me this time. Since I have to have these MRI's on such a regular basis for so many years I thought maybe some other people would like to go and be familiar with where I go. It's always nice to put a face with a name. Mom, Jamie and Janel (both girls that I work with) are going with me. It will be a long boring day for all of them but hopefully they'll be glad they went. I'll be pretty busy all day but they'll be doing a lot of sitting and waiting.
Round # 8 is coming right up. I should start treatment next Monday. It comes up so quickly.
I realized just recently that it's been 8 months now since I was diagnosed and so many of the days since then I been plagued with the thought of "how long do I have?" I'm constantly wondering if I'll see Luke go to school, play Baseball, graduate, etc, if I'll get to grow old with Mike. I think this is just all part of the process of my diagnosis but I also realized that when I'm 80 yrs. old I don't want to look back and think I spent all that time worrying about how long I have. So I'm a little lost in this current struggle but working hard at figuring out how to get passed this. Usually as these thoughts enter my mind I quickly turn them into positive thoughts of feeling so sure that this is not going to take me from my life here on this earth. I really do believe that I will be here for many, many long years. But these thoughts still don't seem to go far enough from my mind. I'm finding that it just all takes time to work through. I just have to go through all these phases and process it all at my own pace. I'm getting there it will just take time. I think Mike is getting there too. He struggles with this too. Please don't think that I'm down or depressed, I'm really doing well. This has just been the phase I'm working through right now and thought I'd share it with you.
Well I think my eyes are starting to go cross and it's now 2:15 am. I can soon go to bed. If this seems jumbled and not well written, sorry. I'm not real alert right now. I will post after my day today and let you know how the MRI and etc. looks. I may not post till Wed. We'll see how tired I am when I get home on Tuesday evening.
GOOD NIGHT! :) JESS
Right now it's 1:45 am on Tuesday morning. Today we travel to Cleveland for my routine MRI and this time an EEG. The EEG is to check for any seizure activity and for this EEG I'm not allowed to have more than 4 hours of sleep tonight and no caffeine tomorrow before the test. I figured I can't go to bed till at least 2:30 am. This is not going over well for me! I really like to sleep. I went to Meijer to get groceries after work tonight since they're open 24 hours. That helped pass some of the time, now I'm just catching up on some emails and whatever else I can do to stay awake. Hopefully I won't need to have an EEG very often!!
I feel very positive about this apt. I was pretty much a wreck before my last MRI and I feel so much better this time. Much less fear this time. Mike and Luke are not going with me this time. Since I have to have these MRI's on such a regular basis for so many years I thought maybe some other people would like to go and be familiar with where I go. It's always nice to put a face with a name. Mom, Jamie and Janel (both girls that I work with) are going with me. It will be a long boring day for all of them but hopefully they'll be glad they went. I'll be pretty busy all day but they'll be doing a lot of sitting and waiting.
Round # 8 is coming right up. I should start treatment next Monday. It comes up so quickly.
I realized just recently that it's been 8 months now since I was diagnosed and so many of the days since then I been plagued with the thought of "how long do I have?" I'm constantly wondering if I'll see Luke go to school, play Baseball, graduate, etc, if I'll get to grow old with Mike. I think this is just all part of the process of my diagnosis but I also realized that when I'm 80 yrs. old I don't want to look back and think I spent all that time worrying about how long I have. So I'm a little lost in this current struggle but working hard at figuring out how to get passed this. Usually as these thoughts enter my mind I quickly turn them into positive thoughts of feeling so sure that this is not going to take me from my life here on this earth. I really do believe that I will be here for many, many long years. But these thoughts still don't seem to go far enough from my mind. I'm finding that it just all takes time to work through. I just have to go through all these phases and process it all at my own pace. I'm getting there it will just take time. I think Mike is getting there too. He struggles with this too. Please don't think that I'm down or depressed, I'm really doing well. This has just been the phase I'm working through right now and thought I'd share it with you.
Well I think my eyes are starting to go cross and it's now 2:15 am. I can soon go to bed. If this seems jumbled and not well written, sorry. I'm not real alert right now. I will post after my day today and let you know how the MRI and etc. looks. I may not post till Wed. We'll see how tired I am when I get home on Tuesday evening.
GOOD NIGHT! :) JESS
Monday, April 7, 2008
GO MEMPHIS TIGERS!
Everything's been pretty well here. We just wanted to send out a little Good Luck to our Memphis, TN. family! How about those TIGERS!!!! Mike and I visited our family in Memphis a few years ago and when we went upstairs to pack our bags to come home we were suprised by our very own Memphis Tigers T-shirts. So we will definitely be wearing those this week supporting you here in OHIO.
GOOD LUCK!
Round #7 of treatment is supposed to start tomorrow (Monday). I will have my blood drawn tomorrow am. and should know by mid afternoon if I'm good to start! So prayers tonight for good results in the am.! I am counting on feeling great and hoping to simply enjoy the week off of work.
Our Chicago trip is rapidly approaching! Luke, Mike and I are all looking forward to a weekend away! Luke is especially looking forward to going back to the Rainforest Cafe. He was very impressed by that! This time it will be even more fun since his Grandmas are going to be there to share in the fun with him.
I'm feeling positive about my next apt. in Cleveland on April 29 & 30. I don't seem to have near the anxiety this time as I did for my previous apt. At least not yet! When I worry, I try to turn it to prayer and I usually feel peace. I'd be lying if I said the tears don't still fly at any random time. I guess that's just all part of it.
Mike has some vacation time he has to use up before April 18 so we are looking forward to spending some extra time with him! I'm sure he'll be busy around the house and in the yard but it will be nice just to know he's here! Time as a family has never been so precious to us all! One thing we've learned through this is that we're going to spend our time doing what we want. We know there are some things you just have to do (out of common courtesy,etc.) but we know now that we aren't going to waste our time with things that aren't important. Our family has been so blessed with just simple love, laughter, and happiness and I want to spend all the time I can with my boys!
Unless I write again, you can assume I will start treatment tomorrow night at bedtime! That is our hope.
GO MEMPHIS!
Love, Jess
Everything's been pretty well here. We just wanted to send out a little Good Luck to our Memphis, TN. family! How about those TIGERS!!!! Mike and I visited our family in Memphis a few years ago and when we went upstairs to pack our bags to come home we were suprised by our very own Memphis Tigers T-shirts. So we will definitely be wearing those this week supporting you here in OHIO.
GOOD LUCK!
Round #7 of treatment is supposed to start tomorrow (Monday). I will have my blood drawn tomorrow am. and should know by mid afternoon if I'm good to start! So prayers tonight for good results in the am.! I am counting on feeling great and hoping to simply enjoy the week off of work.
Our Chicago trip is rapidly approaching! Luke, Mike and I are all looking forward to a weekend away! Luke is especially looking forward to going back to the Rainforest Cafe. He was very impressed by that! This time it will be even more fun since his Grandmas are going to be there to share in the fun with him.
I'm feeling positive about my next apt. in Cleveland on April 29 & 30. I don't seem to have near the anxiety this time as I did for my previous apt. At least not yet! When I worry, I try to turn it to prayer and I usually feel peace. I'd be lying if I said the tears don't still fly at any random time. I guess that's just all part of it.
Mike has some vacation time he has to use up before April 18 so we are looking forward to spending some extra time with him! I'm sure he'll be busy around the house and in the yard but it will be nice just to know he's here! Time as a family has never been so precious to us all! One thing we've learned through this is that we're going to spend our time doing what we want. We know there are some things you just have to do (out of common courtesy,etc.) but we know now that we aren't going to waste our time with things that aren't important. Our family has been so blessed with just simple love, laughter, and happiness and I want to spend all the time I can with my boys!
Unless I write again, you can assume I will start treatment tomorrow night at bedtime! That is our hope.
GO MEMPHIS!
Love, Jess
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
So round # 6 will has begun tonight!
This morning I found out that my platelets had dropped last week to the lowest yet (at least that we are aware of). My Doc.'s at Cleveland told us that the normal range for your blood platelet count is between 150,000 and 400,000 and you cannot take chemo if your platelets drop below 100,000. My platelets have been dropping down to 93,000. Last week (on Thursday) they were down to 88,000. Today I went in to have blood drawn again and they were up to 150,000!! Yeah!! My Doc. told me when they drop as low as they've been dropping I'm at risk for internal bleeding in my head or stomach. :) YUK. I believe they said it's not until your platelets drop to the 50,000 range that I would be at risk for a bone marrow transplant. So we're praying that this does not EVER become the case for me. As I've often said, isn't having cancer enough, why all this other stuff???
On a good note, I'm very glad to be starting my chemo tonight. It really makes my work schedule difficult when it gets pushed back. I'm very anxious to get these chemo treatments in and over with. So I just want to keep them going and be done!
I still feel very well!! As good as I feel I believe there has to be some awesome healing happening in my body!!
All and all, I feel good and don't have much to complain about! :) The platelet thing scares us a bit but we've had a lot of answered prayers so far so we'll just keep praying that my platelets keep coming back up!
Tonight I'm asking those of you who know Leslie A. to say I prayer for her and her family too. Praying for her surgery today to be a success and for her body to heal quickly and for her to soon feel well again!
Thanks for your prayers and concern, Jess, Mike and Luke
This morning I found out that my platelets had dropped last week to the lowest yet (at least that we are aware of). My Doc.'s at Cleveland told us that the normal range for your blood platelet count is between 150,000 and 400,000 and you cannot take chemo if your platelets drop below 100,000. My platelets have been dropping down to 93,000. Last week (on Thursday) they were down to 88,000. Today I went in to have blood drawn again and they were up to 150,000!! Yeah!! My Doc. told me when they drop as low as they've been dropping I'm at risk for internal bleeding in my head or stomach. :) YUK. I believe they said it's not until your platelets drop to the 50,000 range that I would be at risk for a bone marrow transplant. So we're praying that this does not EVER become the case for me. As I've often said, isn't having cancer enough, why all this other stuff???
On a good note, I'm very glad to be starting my chemo tonight. It really makes my work schedule difficult when it gets pushed back. I'm very anxious to get these chemo treatments in and over with. So I just want to keep them going and be done!
I still feel very well!! As good as I feel I believe there has to be some awesome healing happening in my body!!
All and all, I feel good and don't have much to complain about! :) The platelet thing scares us a bit but we've had a lot of answered prayers so far so we'll just keep praying that my platelets keep coming back up!
Tonight I'm asking those of you who know Leslie A. to say I prayer for her and her family too. Praying for her surgery today to be a success and for her body to heal quickly and for her to soon feel well again!
Thanks for your prayers and concern, Jess, Mike and Luke
Monday, March 3, 2008
Update from Jessie
Hello!! I just wanted to give everyone an update. I have been feeling very well lately both emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All great blessings for me and my family right now! First and foremost, I'M DRIVING AGAIN!!! Oh my, how great it is to finally have some independence. Luke and Mike seem to be happy about it too!
Luke is as cute as ever. :) He still seems to be doing well with all the chaos in our life. He does know something is "wrong" with mommy. You wouldn't think a little 3yr.old would have a clue, but unfortunately when something like this tends to consume so much of your life it's hard for him not to wonder what's going on. He thinks mommy sleeps a lot and is sick too much. This is hard for me because I want to be the mom I've always been with him, ENDLESS PLAYING!! I have to admit I am glad to get some relief from playing dinosaurs 24/7! :)
Work is going well, too. I missed seeing the girls I work with on a more frequent basis and "my clients" whom are my friends! I wish I had the stamina to work longer hours, but Thank-you to everyone who has been so patient about getting in! I'm happy to see all your names in my book again!
My next treatment is scheduled to start Monday March 10th, this will be round 6. I wish I could say this is halfway but it may not be. I will get my routine blood draw this Thursday to check my platelet count. My platelets have been low almost every month right before treatment which is a side effect of the type of chemo I take. Hopefully this month will be different! My next apt. at Cleveland has been scheduled for April 29th and 30th. This apt. will consist of an apt. with my Doc. who manages all my meds (Dr. Cohen) an MRI, EEG, meeting with a nutritionist, and an apt. with my oncologist whom I absolutely love (Dr. Tekautz) and her assit. (Carla). So already praying for such good MRI scans that my doctors are ecstatic again!! If I haven't said this before, Cleveland Clinic is a great place to be when you're battling something like this!!
For those of you who are not yet aware, my Mom has been planning a team to run/walk in a 5k to raise money for brain tumor research. The 5k is April 26th in Chicago, Illinois. For those of you who are interested in being a part of our team or would like to sponsor our team you can go to the American Brain Tumor Association's website and look up the 5k called The Path To Progress. Our team name is called Fighting Back. This is an open invitation to anyone who would like to be a part of this! If you have any questions you can email my Mom at audreysleep@yahoo.com . FYI, she's a procrastinator (wonder where I get it) so don't be alarmed if she doesn't get right back with you. :)
I've been told that often people don't know what to say to me or are worried about upsetting me. Please don't worry about this. I wouldn't know what to say to me either! :) Unfortunately this stuff is a big part of my life right now and I'm very comfortable talking about it. The first thing I will tell you if you ask is that CANCER SUCKS! Really, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. I'm doing good and sure I'm going to have bad days but who doesn't!
Last but not least, I can not THANK everyone enough for the continuous support that keeps pouring in!! We are so blessed!! We have been blessed with such amazing support and will be forever thankfull! We have GREAT family who supports us continuously as well as friends both new and old!! THANK YOU!!!
I hope this finds everyone in good health!
Luv ya, Jess
Luke is as cute as ever. :) He still seems to be doing well with all the chaos in our life. He does know something is "wrong" with mommy. You wouldn't think a little 3yr.old would have a clue, but unfortunately when something like this tends to consume so much of your life it's hard for him not to wonder what's going on. He thinks mommy sleeps a lot and is sick too much. This is hard for me because I want to be the mom I've always been with him, ENDLESS PLAYING!! I have to admit I am glad to get some relief from playing dinosaurs 24/7! :)
Work is going well, too. I missed seeing the girls I work with on a more frequent basis and "my clients" whom are my friends! I wish I had the stamina to work longer hours, but Thank-you to everyone who has been so patient about getting in! I'm happy to see all your names in my book again!
My next treatment is scheduled to start Monday March 10th, this will be round 6. I wish I could say this is halfway but it may not be. I will get my routine blood draw this Thursday to check my platelet count. My platelets have been low almost every month right before treatment which is a side effect of the type of chemo I take. Hopefully this month will be different! My next apt. at Cleveland has been scheduled for April 29th and 30th. This apt. will consist of an apt. with my Doc. who manages all my meds (Dr. Cohen) an MRI, EEG, meeting with a nutritionist, and an apt. with my oncologist whom I absolutely love (Dr. Tekautz) and her assit. (Carla). So already praying for such good MRI scans that my doctors are ecstatic again!! If I haven't said this before, Cleveland Clinic is a great place to be when you're battling something like this!!
For those of you who are not yet aware, my Mom has been planning a team to run/walk in a 5k to raise money for brain tumor research. The 5k is April 26th in Chicago, Illinois. For those of you who are interested in being a part of our team or would like to sponsor our team you can go to the American Brain Tumor Association's website and look up the 5k called The Path To Progress. Our team name is called Fighting Back. This is an open invitation to anyone who would like to be a part of this! If you have any questions you can email my Mom at audreysleep@yahoo.com . FYI, she's a procrastinator (wonder where I get it) so don't be alarmed if she doesn't get right back with you. :)
I've been told that often people don't know what to say to me or are worried about upsetting me. Please don't worry about this. I wouldn't know what to say to me either! :) Unfortunately this stuff is a big part of my life right now and I'm very comfortable talking about it. The first thing I will tell you if you ask is that CANCER SUCKS! Really, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. I'm doing good and sure I'm going to have bad days but who doesn't!
Last but not least, I can not THANK everyone enough for the continuous support that keeps pouring in!! We are so blessed!! We have been blessed with such amazing support and will be forever thankfull! We have GREAT family who supports us continuously as well as friends both new and old!! THANK YOU!!!
I hope this finds everyone in good health!
Luv ya, Jess
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