Happy Birthday, Mike!

Today is Mike's 32nd Birthday! So Happy Birthday to the man in my life! We celebrated his Birthday by going out to eat at a local Mexican restaurant last night where they put a sombrero on him and smashed a pie in his face!! Yep, it was great! Luke really thought it was great! We all got a good laugh out of it. Then we went to the movies and saw Four Christmases. That was pretty funny too. Today we will be going to church and then a possible road trip to Cabella's. I'm sure it will be a mad house today with Christmas right around the corner. I don't enjoy crowds at all so it could get interesting.

I'm so happy to celebrate Mike's Birthday this year. Mike has always had a good heart and he's ALWAYS been a GREAT dad but through this last year he's been exceptional and I'm so thankful for him. Like most moms I love to see my boys together. He and Luke are about inseparable. I'm pretty sure Luke thinks that there is nothing his dad cannot do. I keep reminding Mike to enjoy it because before we know it we're going to be stupid and not know anything! :)

So today it's all about Mike!

By the way, we had a great Thanksgiving! It was busy but I loved it. Now I'm ready for Christmas. Yes, you are aloud to put up your decorations now! :) I have most of our shopping done. I just have a few more things to pick up.

News Flash!!!! I forgot to put this in my last post, my mom is engaged!! Some of you who know her may have just fallen of your seats! We're all very happy for them both. Rick is a great man and we are so glad to have him in our family!

Have a great week!

Love,
Jess

Blog Slacker :(

Sorry it's been awhile since I've posted anything. That's good though. That means we're doing well, no bad news, just busy stuff.

Mike and I got away for a long weekend a few weeks ago for our little "done with chemo" celebration. We had a very nice time. We went to Holmes Co., Ohio. I am infatuated with the Amish and it's mainly an Amish area. We ate a lot and slept a lot. It was great! :)

Yesterday was the day that I would have normally started another treatment so it was pretty cool to NOT be starting one! I've been feeling pretty well. I dropped one of my meds that was for the stomach pain that I get from my chemo and I think I dropped it too soon. I've been having a lot of stomach pain. Hopefully all that will return to normal again soon. I'm just glad to be where I am now. It's a good place. I'm upright, appreciating my family more than ever, and realizing what a gift every day is.

I LOVE Thanksgiving so shame on all of you who have up your Christmas stuff (lindsay)! :) I love Christmas too but I really love Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving is just so laid back. I love that. I love getting together with all of our families, eating, laying around watching football. This year we are having my mom's side over to our house for Thanksgiving and I'm really looking forward to it. I love a full house!

I am yet to do my Christmas shopping but hoping to get started real soon. Luke has a special Christmas request this year. My mom made him a blanket before he was born that is now HIS "ganky." Well, it's looking pretty bad and can't be repaired anymore. So Luke said to me that he wants ME to make him a new "ganky." I do not like to sew, but how could I turn down a request like that. So I'm going to try to do my best and bring out the domestic side! Scary.

Luke is still loving school. They did preschool pictures and they are just adorable! It just makes me smile to look at his picture. It is too cute!

Mike is staying busy too. As you know we did some work to the outside of our basement last month so now we have no front porch or landscape. It looks terrible. Supposedly they are going to be putting on the new front porch anytime. Mike tore out the old carpet in our basement and is now ready to lay the new carpet. He's very excited about it. I think he's planning on it being his "man room."

Have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Love,
Jess

Hey.

So I'm done with all my chemo treatments! I'm so thankful. My last one was awful so it really made me appreciate the thought that I won't be doing that again next month. Right now I'm trying to "wake up" and truly grasp the fact that I will not being doing chemo again in the next few months as I'm so used to. It's kind of like on your wedding day (at least for me) when you're trying to make yourself realize that "this is it, it's really here, it's my wedding day!" I feel like it hasn't sunk in yet!

This blog was started to keep everyone up to date on all that was going on with me. Then it was handed over to me and I tried to keep everyone updated too. Now that my "cancer story" seems to be done I'm going to keep the blog just as a type of journal. My hope is that one day it could be printed off for something for Luke to read and have some sort of an idea of what things were like. So since it will be a sort of journal of my life it will probably be boring and you may just want to tune out! :)

I did talk to my Dr. in Cleveland and good news! I don't have to get my blood drawn every other week anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate needles!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also I get to drop one of my prescriptions.

Mike and I are going to be going on a little trip. A sort of done with chemo get away. Nothing big just a little escape. I will update more later when we return.

Luke had his preschool Halloween party today and I was able to go and watch. It was so cute. They are just so fun right now! Tonight he will do a little trick 0 treating then tomorrow evening our church has a Halloween Outreach in the park with inflatables and of course CANDY! He is very excited! Luke has a little collection of costumes. It's no surprise to seem him sitting in the living room playing wearing a spider man costume, dinosaur costume, batman mask, or a transformer. So for his school party today he was Bumblebee (transformer), tonight for trick o treat he's going to be Optimus Prime (another transformer), and then for our church gathering he's going to be spider man. Oh-my! I thought he would be one thing but he wanted to do it this way. So, oh-well. He's having fun!

Happy Halloween.

Have a great weekend!

Jess

Last One.

I just felt the urge to share with you all that I have swallowed the last of my chemo pills about one hour ago now! It's a good but strange feeling. Mike and I have had lots of talks lately about how I will be feeling in the upcoming months. The Dr.'s told us when I started chemo that I wouldn't know when I was sick with a virus or etc. unless I took my temp because I would be so used to not feeling well. So now I'm hoping that I will soon remember what it feels like to really feel good again. I'm used to the way things are now but will be glad to feel even better yet. This treatment hit me harder than usual. We think that I may have actually had some sort of bug when I started this chemo this week but again I didn't know and never thought to take my temp.

Goodnight.

Love,
Jess

Do you want to know what I know?????

If you do, go to aaronandlindsay.blogspot.com

Slow on the update.

Sorry that I have been so slow to update. There really isn't much more to say other than it was a good report in Cleveland last week. It was a very long day as usual. We waited about two hours to see my Oncologist which hasn't been typical but it was a very busy place that day and like Mike and I said she has often spent many hours with us and never made us feel rushed so we understand if they get behind. The scan looked obviously more clear to Mike and I. Dr. Tekautz (oncologist) called Thursday to let us know that the official report was that there was some slight improvement and no areas that had changed in a negative way. She also said that if I were to go back and there were some changes in my MRI (some tumor growth) that weren't significant she may put me back on the chemo I've been doing but a different regiment since I have responded so well to this treatment. She said I would more than likely take the meds for 21 days then have 7 off but I'm not sure how long she would have me do this. If I would go back at some point and there was significant growth she said I would then more than likely have surgery again followed by radiation and more chemo. It was such a busy day and we were so anxious to get on our way home that I failed to remember to ask her a few questions like: Will I have to continue to get my bi-weekly blood draw? Can I quit taking some of my meds that were to help with some of the problems chemo was causing on my body? So after this treatment I'm going to give her a call and ask a few more questions.

I was supposed to start my last treatment tonight but due to some sort of miscommunication (as my insurance called it) my meds did not get sent out as they were supposed to and I will not get them till tomorrow. It's really not a huge deal. It frustrates me just because I'm ready to do it and just want to get it done. It's mental. This indeed in my last one. It has been just over a year since I started chemo and this treatment will be round #14. I'm glad to be at this point and it feels like some sort of accomplishment to have made it here and still feel well. I have a lot of hope at this point. I struggle with some anxiety about being done but it's just not in my control. I do not like not being in control!!!! I anticipate that my next visits to Cleveland being off treatment might come with more anxiety than those while I've been taking chemo. I guess we'll take that on when it comes.

While we were at Cleveland we looked up a fellow brain cancer patient that we knew was having his second surgery in two years. I had been connected with him and his family through Ginny. So Mike and I stopped at the Doughbox on our way and picked up some fresh cookies for his family while they waited for his surgery to be over. I was nervous that it would seem weird that we were going to go up and introduce ourselves to people we had never met not to mention they were anxiously awaiting to hear that their husband/son etc was doing well after surgery. Well we were so glad we went and found them. We went there thinking we were going to be able to do something nice/good for them but walked away from them feeling like they had done much more for us. They were so encouraging, so positive, and so uplifting. Since then the last post I read was that he is doing well maybe even better than after his first surgery. So they had good news that day and so did we.

Mike and I tend to have a good in depth discussion after we leave church. Sometimes it's because I didn't get the sermon and I (this is really embarrassing to admit) ask him what exactly they were talking about. :) Don't get me wrong. I love the church we attend and part of what I love is that they make the message (usually) so clear and easily related. As most of you who know me well know that a lot goes over my head! :) Anyways, Mike and I were talking about all that has happened in the last year and all the things leading us up to this point. It was a good talk and everything seemed so clear to us. We often struggle with not being able to have more children but we KNOW that we have been SO blessed with Luke. He brings us the most pure, sweet, innocent joy. Last Sunday when we were having one of these talks we talked so much about Luke and the timing of everything. We were for the moment able to ease some of our feelings about not having anymore. Everyday we are thankful for Luke!

Treatment will start tomorrow and I will update after that.

Have a great week!

Love,
Jess

P.S. I know something you don't know! :) I love being able to say that! HA!

PRAISES - PRAISES - PRAISES

Thank you Jesus.....the report was good today.

Mike and Jessie are headed home from Cleveland. It has been a long day and she does have a headache and might not post a blog tonight, but soon.
She will start her last round of chemo on Monday. Continue to pray, even though the chemo is not kind to her body, the last treatment also brings understandable fears.

Thanks to each of you for your prayers - they have been felt.

Check Up Time

So a big THANK YOU to "Ginny" for the pictures she added today to the blog!!! She's the best!!! What a surprise it was to open it up today and see those.

We had a big weekend. We were having some water problems in our basement since we've moved in and so this weekend they dug up all around our basement. It was a mess. It's all filled back in now but now we have no front porch, no grass by the house, and no landscape! It's not pretty. So for any guests, you're going to have to come through the garage. Sounds like it's going to be a few weeks before they put the new porch on and I guess we're not supposed to do any landscaping till next spring so that the ground can settle. I hope it snows A LOT this year because our yard is going to be ugly till next spring!

We had huge piles of dirt all around our house while this was going on this weekend. It was a boys dream! Luke was loving it. We got his winter sled out of the barn and he, my mom, and myself were sledding down the DIRT hills! He was SO dirty. I had to grit my teeth at first but after the first layer of dirt was on I knew there was no turning back! He had an absolute blast. He was pretty cute too all covered in dirt!

My main reason for writing this post was to ask for your prayers. I have my usual 3 month check up this Wednesday the 15th. Just Mike and I are going this time. I'm not upset about it at this point. I am learning a lot and trying hard not to worry, to trust, to accept, to be still, to live, to love deeper, to cherish, and to have fun and laugh. I'm sure that from the time I go into that MRI machine until my Doctor delivers the good news I will have some anxiety. At this point I'm okay. I do appreciate your prayers though! They have been answered in the past! I will update as soon as I can. I'm usually pretty wore out Wednesday when we get home, but I try to make sure I post as I know you all will be anxious to hear. I pray that God continues to show my Dr.'s his miraculous healing!!!!

Have a great week.

Love,
Mike, Jess, and Luke

Can't Sleep

So I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't sleep so here I am typing. I got word tonight that someone who has been very inspiring to me received some very difficult news. I'm not able to share with you what or who but "this news" has me restless. Can you imagine that it all comes back to cancer! Imagine that. I had no idea how much of an effect cancer had on people's lives all around me till it came down and well smacked me in the forehead. I don't know if you realize but it's now been a year since diagnosis, surgery 1, and surgery 2. My conclusion from this year is still that YEP, Cancer sucks. You know what else I've learned. It's not the fear of going to be with our God that keeps me from wanting to go from this life. It's what you leave behind. It's leaving your children, spouse, family, friends, all that. It's not being there for the people you love. You just want to be there for them. You want to be able to pack your kids' lunch, do their laundry, take care of them when they're sick. Yeah, all that you don't think you want to do now is the kind of stuff you don't want your family to have to do alone. Yes, through Tyson's journey I do know that they WILL be okay. BUT, I want to be there to make it all easier for them, to hold their hand when they need it, to wipe away their tears. You know what really irritates me even more than before is those who willingly walk away from their families for their own selfish reasons. Don't take this wrong, I'm not down in the dumps for myself tonight. I'm sad for others tonight and just know that these are some of the things that go through my mind with this diagnosis.

I realized that I have started to get back into the slump of stupid things in life. So today I woke up and thought to myself "what are the things most important to me to accomplish today?" Today my goal was to play as much as I could with Luke, tell Mike I love him (several times), and to make every client that sat in my chair feel great. I hope I continue to do this and don't fall back into the everyday slump of unimportant things.

On a MUCH brighter note, I realized that I forgot to update on Luke's preschool adventure! HE LOVES IT! I can't believe it! He totally surprised us. The day before he started he told us that he was not going followed by tears. He had a change of heart! He went the first day with absolutely no problem and said he wanted to go 100 more times! Is this our child??? We are SO proud of him! He's such a big boy! If I had any clue how to download pictures I would so you could see him dinosaur book bag and all!

That's all for tonight. I guess I needed to get some things of my chest and hopefully now maybe I can sleep.

Goodnight. When your morning comes, smile and enjoy the day!

Love,
Jess

One to go!

Treatment week is over and now only one more to go!

Something is weighing kind of heavy on my mind right now. Someone recently asked me how I was doing and I responded with "good." They asked me if I was all done with my surgeries and etc. and I responded with something like "yeah, I suppose for now." Then later this person said to me "well no one knows when their cancer is going to come back." This is just a hard part of this that I really don't know how to explain. I know that terrible tragedies happen to young and old people all the time. I also realize that there is always someone else out there who has it MUCH worse than myself. I do try to be very positive about my "situation," and I know that no one knows what tomorrow will bring and that no one is guaranteed a tomorrow here with their family. What I struggle with and feel as though it came across wrongly to this person was that with brain tumors they've (the Dr.'s and statistics) have always said that it's not IF the tumor will return but when. At my last apt. they told me that when the tumor begins to grow again the next step would most likely be surgery again followed by radiation. The Dr.'s also have told us from the beginning that they hoped for 2 to 3 years before the tumor returned. I do have hope that the tumor will not return and that I can be a miracle but the Dr.'s are very upfront with us and so I guess what I'm saying is I don't know how to respond to these types of situations. I AM doing very well right now. I guess I know the reality of it all is that it's probably not over yet. That doesn't mean that I have lost hope. Sometimes I question my Faith, is it not strong enough? It's all confusing to me and to Mike for that matter. We want to celebrate that I'm done with chemo but we also can't help but silently wonder is this time off chemo going to be the calm before the storm? Maybe I responded wrong to this person's questions, I just don't know what to say. If someone asks how I'm feeling it's the truth when I say I'm feeling good. It is hard for me to get past what has been told to us about brain cancer and I try not to get lost in all the statistics but sometimes I do. So I hope I didn't come across wrongly to this person, I am optimistic about it all and trying also to be prepared mentally for what could be ahead.

All that being said, we have some very good news! Mike's mom got a call from the Dr.'s that the pathology report came back and it was benign! Whoo-who!! What a relief! Today I had the privilege of walking for my Aunt who IS a breast cancer survivor at the 5k in Toledo for Breast Cancer! It was a beautiful day and I was so glad to be able to go!

Goodnight for now! It's been a long week and I'm so ready for some serious sleep!!!!

Have a great week!

Love,
Jess

By the way this blog was originally created by Janel (friend and co-worker) to keep everyone updated. I have realized that some of you who may not have known that probably thought by the top part of the description of myself that I just really think highly of myself! I did not write those very nice things about myself although I find them very sweet! :)

Random thoughts and updates.

We're so glad it's cooling off. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE Summer but we're ready for it to cool off. I love the change of seasons. I truly enjoy each one! I had my doctor apt. to make it official that the pneumonia is GONE! While we were there Luke had his preschool check-up. WOW. He was so good, I was so proud of him! He tends to be shy and hide behind our leg. Well not that day, he had to do a standard eye test and he was so good. It was just cute. Luke will start preschool this Thursday. We are very excited. It's not "hard" for me, it's just weird to think that he's big/old enough for this next phase of his life. I think part of why I don't think that this is sad or difficult to see him go is because like I told Mike, I'm just glad to be here to see it. I'm not in a hurry for him to grow up but I'm anxious to be here and to see him do all those "firsts!" I'm just grateful to be HERE! He seems pretty excited about it, a bit leery. Luke doesn't just jump in with both feet when it comes to something new. So the first few days could be interesting. I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

I wish that I would post more often but my mind flip flops from one thing to another and it's hard for me to organize my thoughts enough to get them down into something halfway understandable. I feel like I need to go back to the days of high school and write and outline before I start typing. Ironic, I used to hate to have to do those outlines! Everything has been going well for us. I finished round #12 just before Labor Day so only two more left. As much as I've been so anxious to be done now I'm kind of nervous about being done. At my last Dr. apt. they told us that chemo often just makes brain tumors go dormant temporarily. So now I'm thinking maybe chemo isn't that bad at least we're doing something, being proactive right?! I'm kind of feeling like okay so now we just let this thing go and run ramped and then deal with it! No. That's not cool. Yes, I know have Faith. Well to be quite honest I've always had Faith that this would not take my life but I'm human and I'm weak at times. The other thought always on my mind is that I truly did not think "this" was going to take Leslie's away from her family either. I was reading a story last night about a guy who passed away to cancer and his wife wrote about how he was so positive and felt so sure that God would not take him away from his family. So, what the heck! Is this feeling of safety and security that God will allow me to be HERE with my family just a false sense of security???? Yeah, so I've had some questions for God here lately. I have been trying to remember some of the brain tumor survivor stories I found and stay thinking that I'm going to be one of those survivors.

Right now Luke is blowing a trumpet in my face! Yes, a real trumpet! Thanks to Rick's (my mom's friend) sister Barbara! :) He loves it and just got it last night. I'm hoping the excitement wears off very soon! Thanks (I think) Barbara !!! :)

One thing about being done with treatment that I am looking forward to is starting to shed these unwanted pounds that have come along with it!!!! I'm eating better than I ever have in my life and I'm chubbier than I've ever been too! Go figure. I've really tried to be "okay" with this end of it but it wears on a girl. Trust me, I know that it's small in the big picture but it's still hard for me at times. We recently had some family pictures done and they are very nice but it's hard for me to see myself, It's like I don't even recognize myself. Especially when I look back at our family pictures from two years ago, you wouldn't even know it was the same person. So hopefully being done with treatment will allow me some more energy to be able to get back in shape!

Oh, by the way we are now in the goldfish business! Luke "won" six fish at the fair. So after they lived in a cooking bowl for a week with no food we decided that they might actually make it and bought a fish tank and food. Luke loves it. We don't. We were laughing about it the other day and we were saying how it would have been cheaper to just go buy the fish at Wal-Mart as to playing those games at the fair! Oh-well.

On a heavier note, today the Grisier family has a big day and I hope that you can add them all to your prayers. Please pray for a successful surgery that is the first step to complete recovery.

Also, someone very near and dear to us on Mike's side of our family is going to have a biopsy this next week and we are praying that we will find that this "area" is NOT cancerous. I will update with more later.

Have a great week.

Love,
Jess

Fair Time!

Well I'd say I'm over the pneumonia. I go to get a follow up x-ray tomorrow then go back to see Dr. Row next Thursday. I feel fine as far as the pneumonia goes now I'm just trying to swallow chemo (literally). Since my chemo is in a pill form I take 6 pills for my dose of chemo after I take an anti nausea pill and all my other regular meds. I get this sick feeling deep in my stomach when I raise those pills up to my mouth. There's just this rush of a feeling knowing how they will make me feel and how "toxic" they are. Luckily they are pretty well tolerated. I know it could be worse.

Usually my most draining days of treatment are Friday through Monday. This weekend I will be too busy to be tired! We have a lot planned for the weekend and next week. Tomorrow is the start of the Fulton County Fair which has been a big part of our family for many years starting with my Grandparents. Grandma of course got it all started with the horses! The last few years none of us have had horses (or cow's) there so it's just a lot of sitting around visiting with family and friends. Oh, and of course a whole lot of fair food! Saturday our morning will start out with Leslie's memorial service of which I'm really looking forward to. I must admit that at first when I found out it was going to be a while before her services I was a bit bummed. I was so anxious to see Tyson and etc. Now I'm very glad there has been this time to "take it in" and be "ready" for this. Maybe I won't be sooo emotional. I don't know about that, there's a lot of Grieser blood in us (yes, we cry at everything)! Then Saturday evening Mike and Luke are going to be having some "boy" time going to the Tough Trucks at the fair. Sunday Luke has a busy day with a Birthday party marathon. He has three Birthday parties to go to and none of us want to miss any of them. So Sunday will be busy but filled with fun and CAKE! Most likely we will then spend the remainder of next week at the fair. Mike isn't quite the fair goer that Luke and I are but it's growing on him (very slowly). We will definitely be going to the demolition derby too. Our cousin Aaron will be in it so that will be a good time too. Aaron is like another uncle to Luke, he is married to my cousin Lindsay (Cowell).

So busy days ahead! It will be fun and will go by way too fast!

I'm not real good about keeping the blog updated and realized that I forgot to mention something very important. August 11th Mike and I celebrated our 7th anniversary!

Also, August 24th marked one year since my diagnosis. That really wasn't anything to celebrate but I looked at it like, one year down and many to go.

Well take care and maybe we'll see you at the fair!

Jess

Home

I'm back home! Praise the Lord I seem to just have pneumonia. I was very scared for awhile. We had went camping at the lake this past weekend. We left Thursday and stayed till Sunday afternoon. I started getting a cough Friday and didn't think much of it since Luke had just finished up with a little bug or something. By Saturday morning I was miserable. I felt like there were bricks setting on my chest. It was so hard to breathe and could hear some sort of congestive rattle when I would breathe. Then on Saturday night It seemed as though it was turning into the stomach flu. By the time Sunday morning came around I really did not want to be at the lake at all. I just wanted to be home. I felt awful. We made it home Sunday around 4 and after a nap in my recliner I took my temperature and sure enough I had a fever so I called the doctor on call and he told me to go to the ER. So I took a shower and headed up there not knowing if there was really anything they would be able to do for me but I went anyways. Shortly after I got there and they listened to my breathing and got my history (of well Cancer), they started hustling around and getting an IV started along with a few x-rays and a CT scan. They did the CT scan because they thought that I could possibly have a blood clot in my lungs. Well praise God I didn't! After a few hours, x-rays, and etc. they decided that I had pneumonia and was going to be staying a few days. I didn't see this coming in fact when I left for the ER( I drove myself) I grabbed some money so I could get an ice cream cone at McDonald's on my way home! I still want that ice cream cone!

Today Dr. Row felt it would be safe for me to return home today. He said my x-ray today looked stable and showed some improvement. He also checked with one of my Dr.'s in Cleveland and she agreed that it was safe for me to go home. She also said that more than likely I would still be able to start chemo on Monday as planned. I'm glad to be able to continue with treatment I'm just not looking forward to being cooped up in the house that much! I'm supposed to take this week off of work and get lots of rest. Then next week I don't work too much because of treatment. Don't get me wrong a break from work isn't all bad but it's nice to be making some money and if I'm going to be off work I'd like to be spending time with Mike and Luke doing fun stuff not laying on the couch. It gets so frustrating. I'm so afraid that Luke just thinks that I don't want to play with him. It's hard for me to allow him to see me down and out too much. What else can you do though?!

Tonight I'm feeling okay. Just tired with a cough and the coughing leads to a headache. I just want to hold my forehead when I cough. Looks like I'm going to spend the next few days resting, then a little work then treatment next week. Next week's treatment will be #12 so only two more after that.

After all that Leslie had just gone through I was pretty freaked out when I was in the ER seeing the Dr.'s and nurses concerned look. It really hit kind of hard for awhile. We've always been told that brain cancer isn't known to spread but It was still pretty scary for bit.

So to any clients that are reading this I have every intention of getting you back in my book shortly. As of now I'm still planning on working Saturday. I will probably start making phone calls in a day or two to get everyone from this week back in. I'm so thankful for how sweet and caring you all have been throughout this!

I really need to Thank everyone for all they have done for us! We are constantly in awe of how great people are. Thanks for the meals this week, all the cards, flowers, the visits, everything. You all are GREAT!

Love,
Jess

Pneumonia

Please pray for Jessie- she was admitted in the Archbold Hospital Sunday night with pneumonia. She was having a difficult time breathing so Mike took her to the emergency room. Her immune system is down because of chemo treatments and she is easily susceptible to illnesses. For now she is resting and they are hoping for her to come home sometime Tuesday.

Sweet Leslie.

As some of you may know Leslie went to be with Jesus last night. She will suffer no more. To read the beautiful words of her very wise husband Tyson click on her blog http://www.forleslie.blogspot.com/ . I am completely amazed at his strength and the peace he seems to have. They have been a great testimony for myself and Mike.

I on the other hand am finding myself pretty weak. I don't have a lot of words right now I just know how much I will miss her friendship. I couldn't help but cry all night and all day. I guess for me I really didn't believe this was going to happen. I don't know if I was choosing not to or what.

My heart goes out to Tyson, TJ, and all of their family and friends.

Tyson, Please know I am sending my love to you and TJ right now. I really look forward to the day that I can hug you both. I hope that day will come very soon.
All my love,
Jess

Good Day!

I tend to be a bit superstitious so I'm going with the "Three's a Charm!" My January, April and now my July MRI have all been good. After a long day in Cleveland filled with anxiety and emotions we had very good results. My Doc. said my MRI looked improved in some areas and stable in all other areas! I'm not real sure how to put into words the relief this was/is! I understand why they want me to go for an MRI every 3 months but it's the anticipation of "will this be the time it's back?" that is hard. This was the most optimistic my Doctor has ever been about my situation so that was very encouraging. She was also very upfront about what kind of treatment we would approach next if or when needed. That's a little difficult to think about but like she said it's good to have a plan and it's nice for us to be informed of what may be ahead. Unfortunately brain tumors are pretty unpredictable but she kept reminding us of how pleased she was with my MRI. So for tonight and the next three months we're hanging on to all the good things she had to say to us today. Oh- she also said that as long as things continue to go well I should be able to quit treatment after round #14!!!! That's not too far away considering that I will start round #11 Monday. Hopefully things will continue to go as hoped for and I can be done with this soon!

More good news! My Aunt is also doing well! Thanks for your prayers!

As long as my platelets are up I will start treatment Monday. I had counted the weeks wrong in my apt. book so now I have a bit of rearranging to do with work for the next two weeks. It should work out fine.

Thanks for all of your prayers for today! I really can't say Thank You enough!

Love,

Jess

so for some reason this thing is not letting me separate my paragraphs! Computers!!!! :(

Checking in.

I've been feeling pretty good lately. Right now I feel like I'm learning how to "live" with cancer and not let cancer get the best of me. I'm doing okay with it. It seems like since I was diagnosed cancer is everywhere I turn. I know that is partly because I am more aware of it. It is very frustrating to see it come into people's lives and disrupt their lives, dreams, everything. Leslie's run with cancer has just been horrible. It's simply unfair. I don't get it. Why does it have to be so complicated for them? Why can't they make her well?! I just want her to have this "normalcy" that I have. I do believe it will come but how much longer must they wait?!

We also have an Aunt in our family who was recently diagnosed. Tomorrow she will undergo surgery and I just pray for her to have peace about it. I pray for her entire family to have a peace about it. She's a great lady and I'm so proud to call her my Aunt!

This past weekend we spent at the lake of which my family has had ties to for many years. We were able to spend time there with our family and friends. We had such a great time. I love my family and I'm so proud of this family I come from.

Next Wednesday, July 23rd I go to Cleveland for my regular MRI. I will have an MRI in the mid morning then meet with my oncologist (Dr. Tekautz) in the early afternoon. So I pray and believe that my next post will be with great results from my appointment. This next visit Mike will be going with me and Lisa (my mother-in-law) will be going. Lisa has not yet been able to see the Cleveland Clinic and etc. When I had my surgery she stayed at our house and took care of Luke for us so she's anxious to see the place and meet some of my doctors.

I'll be in touch. In the meantime I hope you can all add my Aunt to your prayers and keep praying for Leslie and her family.

Love,
Jess

ROUND # 10

Monday I started round # 10 of chemo. So far I'm feeling okay. I think I'm getting used to it and now I know that yes I won't feel up to par for a week or so but it will pass and life WILL go on. I have to go to the medical group every other week for my routine blood draw. I always get it done on the Monday that I'm supposed to start treatment. As you may remember my platelet count has been a problem in the past. My platelets have to be over 100,000 to be able to start treatment. Well they had been consistently dropping every month by 20 to 30,000 getting near the 100,000 mark. So I was kind of anticipating that this treatment might get pushed back a few days or maybe even a week. When my platelet count has been too low to start treatment in the past I asked the Doctor if there was anything I could do to bring my count up and she quickly responded with NO. You have no control over your counts. It is a side effect of chemo.
Well, to my very pleasant surprise and with no explanation this Monday when the nurse called me from Cleveland to let me know if I could take my chemo she said that all my counts (white cell and etc.) were all up considerably higher than they have typically been in the past months. To the best of my knowledge that doesn't just happen. That's not typical. That's prayer. Answered prayer. Healing. This may not seem like much to anyone else but to me this was a huge encouragement. It's hard for me to explain how hopeful and encouraged that I was by this! So treatment started on Monday as scheduled and I will be enjoying the fireworks as I take my last chemo meds for this round on Friday!

Luke's Birthday week was awesome. He's great. We had a party for him and his friends on Saturday and it was a blast. It couldn't of went better. We had a great week with him celebrating his Birthday almost all week. It was good for me mentally. I'm feeling very optimistic right now and trying to enjoy everyday.

Have a great July 4Th!

Jess

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!!!!!!!!!!!

In just a few short hours it will be Thursday June 26th in which we will celebrate Luke's Birthday! We have big plans for the week. He has been celebrating all week. We are hoping the weather will cooperate so we can visit the zoo for the first time this year and then out for lunch at his favorite train restaurant. Our big Birthday celebration is supposed to take place on Saturday. Luke has invited several friends for a party at our house. We rented a big inflatable and plan on having the kids just play outside in the pool and the sprinklers, see the horses, etc. As of right now the weather isn't looking favorable. They're calling for rain! :( So Luke has been praying all day that God will not let it rain on his Birthday party day!

I can't find the words to describe the blessing that he is to our lives. Luke has always blessed us. He was a good baby from the start. He's never really given us a real tough time. Don't get me wrong he's still rotten at times. We know that through all we've experienced in the last year that God has given us our strength but Luke keeps are heads' up. He has such a humor about him. Several times throughout the day he has us just laughing uncontrollably. He's just an absolute riot! As I sit here and try to find the words to describe the pure joy he brings to our lives tears are just running down my face. I can be having an absolutely terrible day and when he walks in the room his smile just lights up my world!

I want to live for many reasons but Luke makes me fight this cancer 100x harder. No matter where this journey takes me I just pray that Luke will know how much I love him. I will always know that I have been blessed to have the two greatest men/boys I have ever known in my life.
Luke, I love you more than ten thousand worlds!!!!!

XOXO

MOM

9 Down ?? to go.

I finished up round #9 of chemo this past Friday. It went okay. It was still chemo. I'm feeling well right now and finally back to "normal." I know it's been awhile since the last time I posted something and so much as been going on since then. For one we had my mom's surprise 50th Birthday party and that was great! The last time I wrote I was doing okay emotionally with this *&%#@. and then not so well. I think all the talk about Senator Kennedy and his brain tumor may have triggered it. Everyone was talking about the statistics and what not. All the "experts" were on T.V. giving their grim expectations for his survival and the survival of brain cancer. It also occurred to me that when they removed my tumor they said that they hope for it not to come back for 2 to 3 years and I realized it will be one year pretty soon. That definitely had me panicked. Let's just say I had a real setback for a few weeks or so. I was starting to believe I was going to die tomorrow. Well thank the Lord I have a much better outlook now. I'm feeling much more positive and more determined than ever that I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE.

This weekend is Relay For Life. I hope everyone who is able to will support this. Cancer sucks and we need more knowledge, more studies, more survivors! I've done a lot of research on cancer and survivor-ship since my diagnosis. I don't know if mine could have been prevented but I have learned that there is a lot we can do ourselves to lessen our chances. So I am strongly encouraging everyone to educate yourselves. Eat right, exercise, and read the word of God (all that about the eating and such is actually right there).

Last but surely not Least, a tribute to all the "Mike's" out there. Cancer surely is miserable for the one with the diagnosis but it's miserable for those who are there with you. Those of us with cancer get the sympathy and the prayers but sometimes forgotten is the one who is holding our hand the whole way! Mike is the one who carries all the weight on his shoulders. Holding up his job, a side job, a rowdy little boy, a sick wife, a home, and trying to be the strong one all the time. His burdens are not the same but just as big. I'm also blessed with a mom who would give me a new brain if she could and a family that would do anything to "fix" this. I also have found that I have great friends. I read once in some cancer book that your friendships will change throughout this and it was right. Some friendships have faded and others have been made so strong. Each and every person who stands by someone who is fighting cancer is truly fighting cancer too. So THANK YOU to ALL of you!!

So long for now. I hope everyone is enjoying their Summer. We sure are! By the way, I forgot to add Luke is still just as awesome as ever!!!!! CUTE TOO!!!!

Love,
Jessie

Cruise Control

Not too much new to report. I'm feeling very well. In fact I realized today that it seems like I'm riding along on cruise control. Things are going well. Chemo has become a part of life and I seem to be fairly used to it and know a bit more of what to expect. We're just counting down the rounds one at a time. One year of treatment will be complete by mid September. When I started they told me I would do it for at least a year but no longer than 18 months. So my prayers are begging to be done in September. In the meantime I've realized to appreciate the health I have right now and that most of my days are good. I'm living a fairly normal life and I can play with Luke just like before all this was a part of our life. So things are good for us.
There's a song that plays over and over in my head and it has seemed to help me find peace. I can't tell you who wrote it but it goes like this, "I'm not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned............" It's helped me to let go of the "WHY." I don't get it. I don't know if I will ever understand but I've realized we don't have to get it we just have to trust in God. Letting go of why is hard, and I still fight it but I'm getting closer.

Take care,
Jessie

P.S. I was a Grey's Anatomy fan but currently it's rotten! Those of you who are watching will know why!!!!

FRUSTRATION

Tonight will be the last night for round #8 that I will take chemo but the effect usually lasts through early next week. This treatment has been tolerable. I've had some stomach pain and nausea but has been better than some prior treatments. The most annoying part is the ridiculous fatigue. Chemo stinks.

Last night we received news that Leslie's cancer has spread now to her lungs. I don't know many of the details but apparently it's in the lining of her lungs. I have never met Leslie in person but she has become someone very special to me. She in one of the few people who could really relate to what I am going through and encourage me and I hope I've been able to do the same for her. Leslie has been very ill for a very long time now. I'm crushed by this news but I can only imagine how heartbreaking this is for her husband Tyson and little TJ. I'm asking for you to pray for miraculous healing and that she will be well and with her boys soon. To follow her journey and get updates you can go to www.forleslie.blogspot.com

That's all for today. I'm at a loss for words.
Love, Jessie

GOOD REPORT!

We're back from Cleveland with a good report. I didn't have to spend the night which was nice. They ended up fitting all my apt.'s into one day. First apt. today was my MRI which is always the never racking one. As the machine beeps and shakes I lay there with my eyes closed praying that God will show the Dr.'s his miraculous healing. Next was my oncologist apt. in which my MRI was read and as we had prayed and hoped for a good report. I didn't see my usual oncologist so this one wasn't as familiar with my last scan to compare it with this one. He did say though that there was definitely NO growth. He said one could argue if it the "white area" (which we want to disappear) was smaller. This is good. He also said that this "area" could possibly even be scarring from surgery. I definitely felt as though this scan showed improvement in comparison to the last scan. Hopefully I will talk tomorrow with my regular oncologist to she what she thinks. My last apt. was my EEG. Apparently my oncologist wants to see if my seizure meds could be cut back and possibly go off of them in time. I would love that. I don't like having to take all these pills not to mention the cost of so many monthly meds. Even with good insurance co-pays add up quickly. I won't know the results of the EEG till possibly Wed. or so. They shouldn't be much to worry about. I'll will still pray for good results.

All in all it was a good visit. Mom, Jamie and Janel all went with me. We stopped to do a little quick shopping on the way home. It was a good day.

Thanks for all your prayers and concern.
Love, Jess and family.

BACK FROM CHICAGO

We traveled to Chicago this past weekend for the 5k to raise money for the American Brain Tumor Association. We had a great time. We had over 50 people on our team and our team raised nearly $14,000!!! It was cool to see so many people come out to support us! Mike, Luke and I had so much fun! We needed to get away. With all that's going on we're just so busy and don't get much time to do fun stuff. Luke was so fun. He's such a good traveler. He didn't care what we did as long as he was able to swim in the pool (the very cold pool) every day! Thank you to everyone who supported this cause and who went along and participated!

Right now it's 1:45 am on Tuesday morning. Today we travel to Cleveland for my routine MRI and this time an EEG. The EEG is to check for any seizure activity and for this EEG I'm not allowed to have more than 4 hours of sleep tonight and no caffeine tomorrow before the test. I figured I can't go to bed till at least 2:30 am. This is not going over well for me! I really like to sleep. I went to Meijer to get groceries after work tonight since they're open 24 hours. That helped pass some of the time, now I'm just catching up on some emails and whatever else I can do to stay awake. Hopefully I won't need to have an EEG very often!!

I feel very positive about this apt. I was pretty much a wreck before my last MRI and I feel so much better this time. Much less fear this time. Mike and Luke are not going with me this time. Since I have to have these MRI's on such a regular basis for so many years I thought maybe some other people would like to go and be familiar with where I go. It's always nice to put a face with a name. Mom, Jamie and Janel (both girls that I work with) are going with me. It will be a long boring day for all of them but hopefully they'll be glad they went. I'll be pretty busy all day but they'll be doing a lot of sitting and waiting.

Round # 8 is coming right up. I should start treatment next Monday. It comes up so quickly.
I realized just recently that it's been 8 months now since I was diagnosed and so many of the days since then I been plagued with the thought of "how long do I have?" I'm constantly wondering if I'll see Luke go to school, play Baseball, graduate, etc, if I'll get to grow old with Mike. I think this is just all part of the process of my diagnosis but I also realized that when I'm 80 yrs. old I don't want to look back and think I spent all that time worrying about how long I have. So I'm a little lost in this current struggle but working hard at figuring out how to get passed this. Usually as these thoughts enter my mind I quickly turn them into positive thoughts of feeling so sure that this is not going to take me from my life here on this earth. I really do believe that I will be here for many, many long years. But these thoughts still don't seem to go far enough from my mind. I'm finding that it just all takes time to work through. I just have to go through all these phases and process it all at my own pace. I'm getting there it will just take time. I think Mike is getting there too. He struggles with this too. Please don't think that I'm down or depressed, I'm really doing well. This has just been the phase I'm working through right now and thought I'd share it with you.

Well I think my eyes are starting to go cross and it's now 2:15 am. I can soon go to bed. If this seems jumbled and not well written, sorry. I'm not real alert right now. I will post after my day today and let you know how the MRI and etc. looks. I may not post till Wed. We'll see how tired I am when I get home on Tuesday evening.

GOOD NIGHT! :) JESS

GO MEMPHIS TIGERS!

Everything's been pretty well here. We just wanted to send out a little Good Luck to our Memphis, TN. family! How about those TIGERS!!!! Mike and I visited our family in Memphis a few years ago and when we went upstairs to pack our bags to come home we were suprised by our very own Memphis Tigers T-shirts. So we will definitely be wearing those this week supporting you here in OHIO.

GOOD LUCK!

Round #7 of treatment is supposed to start tomorrow (Monday). I will have my blood drawn tomorrow am. and should know by mid afternoon if I'm good to start! So prayers tonight for good results in the am.! I am counting on feeling great and hoping to simply enjoy the week off of work.

Our Chicago trip is rapidly approaching! Luke, Mike and I are all looking forward to a weekend away! Luke is especially looking forward to going back to the Rainforest Cafe. He was very impressed by that! This time it will be even more fun since his Grandmas are going to be there to share in the fun with him.

I'm feeling positive about my next apt. in Cleveland on April 29 & 30. I don't seem to have near the anxiety this time as I did for my previous apt. At least not yet! When I worry, I try to turn it to prayer and I usually feel peace. I'd be lying if I said the tears don't still fly at any random time. I guess that's just all part of it.

Mike has some vacation time he has to use up before April 18 so we are looking forward to spending some extra time with him! I'm sure he'll be busy around the house and in the yard but it will be nice just to know he's here! Time as a family has never been so precious to us all! One thing we've learned through this is that we're going to spend our time doing what we want. We know there are some things you just have to do (out of common courtesy,etc.) but we know now that we aren't going to waste our time with things that aren't important. Our family has been so blessed with just simple love, laughter, and happiness and I want to spend all the time I can with my boys!

Unless I write again, you can assume I will start treatment tomorrow night at bedtime! That is our hope.

GO MEMPHIS!

Love, Jess

So round # 6 will has begun tonight!

This morning I found out that my platelets had dropped last week to the lowest yet (at least that we are aware of). My Doc.'s at Cleveland told us that the normal range for your blood platelet count is between 150,000 and 400,000 and you cannot take chemo if your platelets drop below 100,000. My platelets have been dropping down to 93,000. Last week (on Thursday) they were down to 88,000. Today I went in to have blood drawn again and they were up to 150,000!! Yeah!! My Doc. told me when they drop as low as they've been dropping I'm at risk for internal bleeding in my head or stomach. :) YUK. I believe they said it's not until your platelets drop to the 50,000 range that I would be at risk for a bone marrow transplant. So we're praying that this does not EVER become the case for me. As I've often said, isn't having cancer enough, why all this other stuff???

On a good note, I'm very glad to be starting my chemo tonight. It really makes my work schedule difficult when it gets pushed back. I'm very anxious to get these chemo treatments in and over with. So I just want to keep them going and be done!

I still feel very well!! As good as I feel I believe there has to be some awesome healing happening in my body!!

All and all, I feel good and don't have much to complain about! :) The platelet thing scares us a bit but we've had a lot of answered prayers so far so we'll just keep praying that my platelets keep coming back up!

Tonight I'm asking those of you who know Leslie A. to say I prayer for her and her family too. Praying for her surgery today to be a success and for her body to heal quickly and for her to soon feel well again!

Thanks for your prayers and concern, Jess, Mike and Luke

Update from Jessie

Hello!! I just wanted to give everyone an update. I have been feeling very well lately both emotionally, physically, and spiritually. All great blessings for me and my family right now! First and foremost, I'M DRIVING AGAIN!!! Oh my, how great it is to finally have some independence. Luke and Mike seem to be happy about it too!

Luke is as cute as ever. :) He still seems to be doing well with all the chaos in our life. He does know something is "wrong" with mommy. You wouldn't think a little 3yr.old would have a clue, but unfortunately when something like this tends to consume so much of your life it's hard for him not to wonder what's going on. He thinks mommy sleeps a lot and is sick too much. This is hard for me because I want to be the mom I've always been with him, ENDLESS PLAYING!! I have to admit I am glad to get some relief from playing dinosaurs 24/7! :)

Work is going well, too. I missed seeing the girls I work with on a more frequent basis and "my clients" whom are my friends! I wish I had the stamina to work longer hours, but Thank-you to everyone who has been so patient about getting in! I'm happy to see all your names in my book again!

My next treatment is scheduled to start Monday March 10th, this will be round 6. I wish I could say this is halfway but it may not be. I will get my routine blood draw this Thursday to check my platelet count. My platelets have been low almost every month right before treatment which is a side effect of the type of chemo I take. Hopefully this month will be different! My next apt. at Cleveland has been scheduled for April 29th and 30th. This apt. will consist of an apt. with my Doc. who manages all my meds (Dr. Cohen) an MRI, EEG, meeting with a nutritionist, and an apt. with my oncologist whom I absolutely love (Dr. Tekautz) and her assit. (Carla). So already praying for such good MRI scans that my doctors are ecstatic again!! If I haven't said this before, Cleveland Clinic is a great place to be when you're battling something like this!!

For those of you who are not yet aware, my Mom has been planning a team to run/walk in a 5k to raise money for brain tumor research. The 5k is April 26th in Chicago, Illinois. For those of you who are interested in being a part of our team or would like to sponsor our team you can go to the American Brain Tumor Association's website and look up the 5k called The Path To Progress. Our team name is called Fighting Back. This is an open invitation to anyone who would like to be a part of this! If you have any questions you can email my Mom at audreysleep@yahoo.com . FYI, she's a procrastinator (wonder where I get it) so don't be alarmed if she doesn't get right back with you. :)

I've been told that often people don't know what to say to me or are worried about upsetting me. Please don't worry about this. I wouldn't know what to say to me either! :) Unfortunately this stuff is a big part of my life right now and I'm very comfortable talking about it. The first thing I will tell you if you ask is that CANCER SUCKS! Really, don't be afraid of saying the wrong thing. I'm doing good and sure I'm going to have bad days but who doesn't!

Last but not least, I can not THANK everyone enough for the continuous support that keeps pouring in!! We are so blessed!! We have been blessed with such amazing support and will be forever thankfull! We have GREAT family who supports us continuously as well as friends both new and old!! THANK YOU!!!

I hope this finds everyone in good health!
Luv ya, Jess

Treatment #5

Praise the Lord! Jessie had her blood drawn again this morning, and her platelet count has raised a significant amount in the last few days. She will begin her 5th round of chemo tonight. So while treatment is never easy, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers throughout this week.

Jessie's Prayer Request

Hi there everyone!! For the most part everything has been going pretty well. I will admit I've had a bit of an emotional struggle in the last month or so but feel as though I'm finding my way back! I suppose this journey is going to be like a roller coaster with highs and lows along the way. I find my self relying on my faith more than ever and God seems to be pointing me in the right direction at just the right times. I have made some new friends since becoming a part of the not so cool "cancer club." These friendships have been a great thing for me too. It's nice to be able to share with someone who knows your struggles.

On a much more exciting note, 16 days till I will regain some independence! I'LL BE ABLE TO DRIVE! I can't wait! I've had to rely on friends and family more than ever with not being able to drive. So, THANK YOU to all of you who have been helping get me to work and play dates and whatever else we do. Mike and I have truely tried to realize the blessings all around us. Our friends and family being right there on top of that list! I pray that you all know how much you all mean to us!

Mike's amazing!! Being how I get so tired, Mike has to pick up the slack and as most of you know with a very energetic 3 yr.old, that can be exahausting. Not to mention he pretty much gets no time to himself. If he's not at work then he's usually with Luke and I taking care of both of us! Sometimes I have to remind myself that this is just as hard on him as it is on me. So cheers to Mike!!!!

Today I'm writing you asking for a specific prayer request. I received a call from Cleveland Clinic on Wednesday telling me that I could not start my chemo as planned on Thursday night. Apparently when I had my routine blood draw on Tuesday my platelet count was too low. I won't go into all the details but it can be a very dangerous situation and my focus is on beating this cancer of which chemo is a part of!! I'm going back to have my blood drawn on Monday and assuming my platelet count is up I'm hoping to start chemo Monday evening. In the meantime we're praying that I don't have any unexpected injuries and bleeding. I'm praying that this won't continue to be a problem and that my chemo schedule can stay on track! Above all other prayers, I'm praying still for complete healing of this or any cancer! Our God is a mighty God and I believe he will heal me!! As I've been on this cancer journey I've come into contact with many others battling something similar to me and I also pray for there complete healing. It is very hard to hear of someone else battling this ugly disease. It makes me sick and I just want to fix it for them too! So please remember my fellow cancer pals in your prayers!

I hope you all are well and your families are in good health! Everyday is a gift so enjoy every moment with the ones you love!!
Love, Jess

Happy Birthday Jessie!!!!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to make sure you all knew that Saturday, January 26th is Jessie's 27th Birthday!!! Make sure you post her a Happy Birthday wish!

Jessie- Eat a little cake along with your birthday Ice Cream!! :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

love you to pieces,
Janel

Great News!!

Jessie, Mike, and Luke traveled to the Cleveland Clinic today for Jessie's first MRI in three months. The Dr.'s were "thrilled" with her results! There was much anxiety leading up to this day for Jessie and we are all so relieved to hear such good news. Praise the Lord!!